Fiancee's ex Boyfriend crashed our engagement party! Advice?

This past saturday was our engagement party, all was going well until my fiance's ex showed up completely drunk. Him and his friends pulled down the tent, started throwing food at my fiancee and calling her names ETC. So I had a couple guys remove him, he came back so we called the cops. My fiancee feels responsible. How can I convice her she is not, and did I do the right thing towards the guy?Fiancee's ex Boyfriend crashed our engagement party! Advice?
You absolutely did the right thing by calling the police. You now need to decide if you want to file any charges against him - either criminal (trespassing, disturbing the peace, assault), or civil (reimbursement for the damages).





As far as your fiancee goes, it's certainly not her fault that her ex is slightly deranged and completely irrational. I think the best thing you can do is tell her, straight out, that she is not to blame for any of it, that he's the one with the problem, and you'd really be happy if she could put it behind her so that the two of you can focus on your upcoming wedding.Fiancee's ex Boyfriend crashed our engagement party! Advice?
Understandably she feels responcible (even though she is not)


Remind her that it was only the engagment party and that it will DEFINATELY not happen on the wedding. (Tell her at least it was now not the wedding. It was going to happen anyway)


She will forget about it soon enough.





You did do the right thing in regard to her ex bf. That behaviour is totally unacceptable. REGARDLESS of who it was. If it was a stranger you would have done the same.





Well done for you for keeping it calm though. Its not your ex and your engagment party was crashed...





Dont worry about him. Just console your fiance. It will all blow over with time.





Congrats on the engagment!
There really isn't anything you can to to convince her she isn't responsible, just console her and be there for her. Show her you're not mad, unhappy or upset with HER, just the idiot she used to date. I would definitely hire security for the wedding, make sure they have a guest list and know who not to let in.
you tell her that there is no way that she's responsible for the actions of her idiotic ex boyfriend. Tell her that you will make sure that it wont happend in the wedding and to forget the whole situation. Even though she wont forget about it now but atleast she knows that you have put it past you.


I commend you for your parience. I think that if that happend to me my fiance would have kill the guy
Gosh man, remember the old expression, ';At least I know who she's going home with tonight.'; He knows what he lost and you'd be the better man by just seeing it that way. Be kind, be firm, but have some humility. You got the girl, he didn't. So it's all good.





And aside from that, know that life is full of bull crap, challenges, and struggles. This one you should consider the least of what may be ahead in the life of a marraige. Take this as a test of your ability to block out the distractions and focus on the love of your life - for life.
You behaved with an admirable amount of restraint.





It's not your fiance's fault. She had no way of knowing he would do anything like that.





When you plan your wedding, budget for security, in case the guy decides to act up again.





Congratulations on your engagement.
Tell her shes not to blame all you want...but she will probably still hold herself responsible. Just hold her and hug her and tell her you love her. As far as the ex..you did the right thing. And as far as your wedding day...hire security please so you guys wont have the same problem then.
Derek, you did the right thing! Your fiancee is blaming herself for dating such a rotten person. It's not her fault. The next thing I would do, is filing a restraining order.





good luck.
You did an awesome thing by controlling yourself. It's not her fault that her ex is a jerk, it's probably why she's not with him.
tell her you love her and it wasn't her fault and YES you did a perfect thing towards that prick
You did right. Always call the cops when things like this escalate: always.





Tip for the wedding: don't plan to have your ';big friends'; watch out for him. Hire professional security guards so your friends can relax and party with you and don't have to keep an eye out. It's worth every penny.





I suspect that this kind of guy is a professional victim and potential (if not actual) abuser who thinks everything he does wrong is her fault, because ';she makes him so mad';. It's never his fault for getting drunk or angry or losing his temper: it's her fault for ';provoking'; him. Before they broke up, he probably had her half-convinced of it too: that's how abusers work. It's also why abuse victims don't want to leave their abusers - they feel responsible for causing the abuse and feel that they could fix it if they just tried harder to correct the awful mistake they've made.





This may also be part of the reason why she feels guilty over what happened - somewhere in her subconscious, she thinks that if she could have just got ';it'; right, whatever that ';it'; is, he wouldn't be acting that way. She needs to step back and realize that he would act this way no matter what she did - if she'd done things differently, he'd fine another bat**** insane excuse to blame her for it. That's what these guys do!





Good luck!
Engagement party. Who invited? Its thier fault.





Not sure you want em there at the wedding.