I need relationship advice again...my boyfriend refused to commit with an engagement.?

Ok, here it goes. My boyfriend and I have known each other for years. We have been seriously dating for over 2 years now. He is 29 and I am 25. We have talked about getting married and he easily says that he wants to get married. A few weeks ago we went ring shoppping so that I could show him some styles I might like. To my surprise he put a deposit down on a ring! A really expensive ring.... I only thought we were looking so I was having fun picking out all sorts of stuff. After we get in the car he announces that he put a deposit down and he thinks maybe he shouldn't have....he then makes me go back to the store alone to pick out something less expensive or get his money back!!!! I was mortified. He couldn't even handle his own business.





Then today he states that he would rather buy a house than buy me an engagement ring, I understand wanting a house BUT I do not want to move in with him without and engagement or promise of marriage. I do not want to pay half of HIS mortgage and will not put my name on anything with his until we are married. I'm not stupid. I could end up with nothing. I can't take it anymore. He is back and forth and I am so frustrated. What is his deal? And to top it all off he moved in with another girl ( a sister of one of his friends) he really sugar coated it to make it sound like he was saving money but come to find out he pays more than I do for rent! He also told me this girl was older than him and getting engaged any day now. I found out she was younger and she and her ';serious boyfriend'; have only been together for 6 months and are no where near getting engaged! Could someone PLEASE decode this behavior for me? I am at the end of my rope. I finally told him I am giving him until the end of my current lease (10 more months) for him to make a serious comittment (i.e. engagement) or I am done. End of story.I need relationship advice again...my boyfriend refused to commit with an engagement.?
Well, to start off, I'm 29 and just got married this last summer so I am at the level you two are at. I think you did the right thing by telling him he has to commit, but I think 10 months is too long of a time frame. A lot can happen in 10 months. He for sure is afraid of commitment, but he showed that in a very bad way. I couldn't imagine sending my wife back in to pick out another ring or get my money back. He should have kept his mouth shut and went back with out you to get the money. You probably did, but you didn't write it here.......You did sit him down and ask him why right? Ask him, was it the price, the ring, or the commitment that made you change your mind? If it was the price then we can work on that. I don't need to have the most expensive ring I just want to be with you.





Now what also waves a red flag is the fact that he moved in with this girl. That is soooooo wrong. I hate to share this with you but, I moved in with a girl that I didn't think anything would happen and it did. She had a boyfriend and I was inbetween relationships.





Not only that, but he lied to you. Once again I would sit him down and get some answers. I would give him a shorter time frame and say look it's either the house or me. DON'T buy a house with him.





Sorry you have to go through this........I need relationship advice again...my boyfriend refused to commit with an engagement.?
Hey, you've got a few issues going on at the moment so I'm going to tackle them one by one although clearly some things influence others. Firstly, the ring issue is a fairly small one as far as I'm concerned. If he's agreed to get married but you feel it's not official enough, do something about it yourself. Did you pick out a cheaper ring? If so, I'm sure you'll be getting it some time soon. If his issue is really about money, why don't you get a cheap ring for you/necklace for him/nothing at all and propose to him yourself? Set it out nicely and phrase it as knowing he's committed to you is more important than the trinkets that show it. This will get a straight answer out of him I'm sure. I personally have a 拢40 ring from Argos as a token that I'm taken, I think the dramatic gestures and giant rocks are for guys who are unsure of the response they'll get, your bf may well see it as a waste of money. Once couples have discussed it seriously and both say they wish to get married, I don't see why it matters who 'officially proposes' to who.





Even if you're not engaged, you can still get ajoint mortgage with your name on it. This means that if he doesn't keep up with his payments you have the right to have the property split between you (either completely sell and split the cash or one of you gets half the cash and the other keeps the house). Clearly this is not ideal but it's a similar amount of protection you'd get if you were married as well. Talk to a banker as well, they'd talk you through the terms and conditions.





I'm not too sure what's happening with this girl he lives with. He might just enjoy her company and lied to you to 'avoid freaking you out'. Not a good excuse really. I don't think you think he's cheating (and you'd know better than me) so the only reason I can think of is that it's a light, fluffy, responsibilty-free arrangement. You guys, after two years, are considering marriage and buying a house together. Huge! Have you considered alternatives to make the transition slower? Get engaged and just live together in a rented place for a while to see how you mesh? Something that I'm not 100% sure of but your citizen's advice bureau can help you with: If you lend money to somebody with a contract you can claim all of that back in court if you need to. As I say, seek assistance with this one but it could be an option to let him deal with a mortgage on his own and you just lend him your share protected by a contract, so if all turns sour you can get it back.





I think he may be spazzing out as it suddenly hit him that two years ago he was housesharing, had a lovely girlfriend and life was easy breezy. Now he's looking 30 in the face, is being talked to about marriage and mortgages, two of the biggest commitments ever, and seems to be taking refuge in a safe situation. His friend's sister who has a serious boyfriend is of no threat, he probably knows her pretty well, he's trying to slow down the pace of your relationship. If I was in your position I'd see how he really felt about stuff, where exactly his problem lies (Fear of committing to an engagement? Money worries? Feels he wants to commit but feels two years together isn't enough?) Get all these issues out into the open with him so you can sort them out together. I would also lay off on giving him a deadline out loud for now as it'll increase the pressure he's under. Keep it in your mind though so if his behaviour hasn't changed in that length of time you can bring it up again, emphasise how serious you are, and then make the decisions you have to make.