1. Money is going to be a big issue. My boyfriend's car is about to die, and he's buying his dad's truck for $5,000. Needless to say, his bank account is going to be wiped out. Lately I've been thinking about just getting a small band with stones in it for a ring, but my boyfriend refuse to even listen. He says if he didn't get me a ';real'; engagement ring, people will talk, and I will resent him for not getting me a diamond solitaire. I don't care what people say, and I'd be happy with it! Any advice on making him see that being with him is more important than a stone?
2. He and I both object to living together before marriage - is this a mistake? His parents and mine are both conservative, and so are we.
3. Is a two year engaegement too long? I'm a junior in college, and I'd like to wait until I've secured a good job before we get married, and that'll be at least 2 years.
4. How do we deal with some of his friends and mine being unspportive? We both have friends on each side that dislike us, and I have a feeling when we get engaged they're going to do everything in their power to try to talk us out of it.
Thanks! Sorry for the amount of questions, but I'm curious!Several questions about engagement and future - any advice?
Money: Money will be an issue throughout the course of your marriage. I firmly believe a couple should not go into ridiculous debt just to have a huge diamond or a lavish wedding. Anyone that would judge your boyfriend based on the ring he gives you isn鈥檛 worth your time. People that petty are not supportive, mature individuals. You should wear a ring that you feel symbolizes your love. If you鈥檙e a material girl, you鈥檙e going to need a rock so big it takes a crane to lift your finger. But if you鈥檙e a practical girl (and it sounds like you are) then pick something YOU love. My engagement ring was a 陆 carat diamond nestled between two half carat sapphires. It鈥檚 not huge or flashy. It鈥檚 me. Simple. Down-to-earth. Gently tell your boyfriend that the ring doesn鈥檛 make the relationship. It鈥檚 a symbol, nothing more, nothing less.
Cohabitation: I object to living together before marriage. I think living together before taking wedding vows teaches young couples that leaving a relationship is as easy as packing a suitcase and walking out the door. If you鈥檙e not comfortable living together before marriage, don鈥檛 do it. Again, anyone who would judge you based on that decision isn鈥檛 worth a second thought. Kudos to you for taking this very real commitment seriously.
Length of engagement: 2 years is acceptable 鈥?especially since you鈥檙e finishing school. That goes to show you鈥檝e got your priorities in check and a good head on your shoulders!
Unsupportive friends: We aren鈥檛 mean to hold on to everyone, sweetheart. Often times, when a couple chooses to marry, their single friends aren鈥檛 supportive for reasons stemming anywhere from insecurity to jealousy. The good news: the friends worth having will come around, eventually. The ones that aren鈥檛 worth keeping will fade into the sunset. You鈥檙e notice right away which friends you can count on. Those are the friendships to be treasured.
Best of luck!Several questions about engagement and future - any advice?
he won't listen to you about the ring.
it is recommended to live with each other before marriage.
2 years is not too long if you have a plan.
You should consider listening to your friends opinions if they are against it.
1. Money will be an issue for the rest of your married life. Your engagement is actually one of the first opportunities to see how the two of you will be able to handle money issues together.
His car is about to die now. You're talking about getting engaged in the next year and married in the next two years. After his car dies, you still have a year to save up money and graduate from college.
2. Don't live together if it's not something you're both comfortable with.
3. I think the rule ought to be that you should stay engaged until you can afford to pay for the wedding yourselves. (See answer #1.) If that's two years, no problem. It took my husband and me over five years to save up enough money to have the wedding of both our dreams.
4. If your friends can tear you apart and break you up, then you're not ready to get married. When you're married, the attitude should be that you've got each other's back because it's the two of you against the rest of the world who would break you up.
You're both young. Take your time while you have it. If you marry now, you could be married for over 60 years potentially. Don't rush. You have time to be together.
Let him get you the ring he wants (without going into debt of course.) I know to you it may seem like you're just trying to save him money and all that but to him it might seem like you think he can't provide for you or that you're ungrateful or something.
Personally I couldn't imagine not living with someone before committing to doing it the rest of my life with them, but if you feel confident your relationship can handle it, then go for it.
2 years is the upper limit for me. Just make sure you set a date so people will take the engagement seriously.
Tell them that it is your decision and your life. Honestly, if they want to go out and party their 20s away it is their business, and if you want to get married and enjoy your 20s with the man you want to spend your life with, then it is your business!
Try this ';I know you are just looking out for my best interest but I know I am making the right decision in my heart.';
If these were your true friends they would know that the party scene isn't your gig anyhow.
On a side note I'm not big on the partying thing either. It was cool my first semester of Freshmen year in college and then it got old and stale fast. So I see where you're coming from.
Ok as far as the ring goes you do get an imput because it is your ring but also if wants to pick one out.. by all means let him!! I chose a smaller ring than the one my fiancee actually got me.. the one he got me is a good amount larger.. i didnt think i'd like it because i was perfectly ok with a small ring.. but the look on his face every time he grabs my hand..he is so proud of himself which makes me happy!! And the ring he bought..by no mean could he afford at the time... Engaged for 2 years is not too long.. it gives you plenty of time to finish school and plan plus save up money!! When it comes to your friends its good to listen to there opinons but keep in mind they arent the ones marrying him you are!! And if they do not approve because you won't be a single girl partying then you should probably look for less selfish friends!! Hope this helped!!
1. about the money: it will always be an issue. the moment i got engaged, we started saving up for a small wedding. we didn't see the point of spending all that money for just one day's celebration.
These articles might help you on getting a successful but low-cost wedding:
http://www.beyondjane.com/Weddings/Top-F鈥?/a>
http://www.beyondjane.com/Weddings/15-Wa鈥?/a>
2. The rings: I agree with you that any ring will be fine. But if your boyfriend insists on having a ';proper ring';, let him. it's a guy thing and it would be best to stroke his ego and build up his pride.
3. living before marriage: I'm against it like you are. I lived with my parents up until the day before the wedding. Stick to your convictions and you won't end up with guilt in the long run.
4. two years: I've met people who have been engaged for 5 years. It's not a matter of how long you're engaged. it's the quality of the relationship. love grows and this is what should happen when you get married. I agree that you should get a stable job first and finish school. Priorities change and you'll want to have time to take care of your husband.
5. believing in marriage is a personal thing. if you do believe in marriage and your friends don't, that's their problem. and it seems that you have more maturity than your friends.
good luck and best wishes!
ok i will try to help with them all....the money thing..you will always have a concern about money...if he really wants to get you a beautiful ring then cut back a lil on the wedding...you can save money by cutting back some of the guest (dont need as much food) or even save money by the decorations and cake..have a family member make the cake or a good friend thats good at it.
now about living together...i think thats kinda cool. but i also feel that you truely dont know someone till you live with them...and not with their parents too (or yours). you get to see the good and bad in them and how they truely deal with everyday living and how they live.
as for being engaged for 2 years...nothing is too long as long as you are both comfortable with it...gives you more time to save money for the wedding and get to know eachother even better..
finally the friends...they need to learn to respect your decision or they really arent your friends. not everyone likes someone else but if they love you then they will love your partner for you. he also needs to tell his friends that they need to accept you and bless him or its not worth it. if they continue like this and you do get married they will cause you problems...rather anyone does anything wrong.
good luck and i hope this helps. i was there once...i was engaged for over 6 months and realized it wasnt what i wanted right now and had to leave the relationship.
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