Any advice on calling an engagement off?

My Fiance is mad at me because I called off our engagement. We really love each other to death and he says he wants me to come back to him (emotionally - like the way it has been) but I feel hurt from how he said he was this way and that way (in the past) ... I felt he was telling me what I wanted to hear .. as in he wanted me to feel that he is not the jerk that he was b4 ... he use to flirt with waitresses in a ';Hey, I'm looking at your *** - hope u notice me doing it'; sorta way .. and just lied about certain things ...(I'm making a long story short) .. I can't get the hurt feelings out of my mind and they haunt me .. I can't sleep some times (not all the time) and it just makes me mad thinking about what he did (the lying part did not help either as it was a thing he did for more than a year).. I mean he's a grown man .. I don't want to get married nor do I want to leave him ... how can I tell him I don't want to marry him??





He doesn't want me to look at other men and I don't want him looking at other women like that ... but I don't know if it is because he changed or it's because he's got really good at hiding it from me.. I don't wanna be a chump ..





maybe I'm just pmsing right now?? Idk Ladies any advice! Mature / open-minded answers only please! I'm already down a bit I don't need to be kicked! =)





Thank you in advance.Any advice on calling an engagement off?
Is it possible that in him confessing this he was letting you know in a sense that he is a changed man and it is all due to his love for you?Any advice on calling an engagement off?
O.k so - you want to call off the engagement but not leave him.. Then why not stay engage and just push the wedding date out for another year or so.... Work on the issue and if by then you are still dealing with it then don't get married, but then you need to work on it too.
It seems both of you are not ready for marriage. So not being engaged is a good thing at this time.. Wait, why be in a hurry to get married. Plus, he needs to grow up and be more mature. Maybe counseling for both of you would be beneficial.
This is simple...Find a girlfriend get on a cruise next week...last minute...spend time away to get strong before you make a BFM...warning, warning maybe this advice will save one broken heart. If after you being ot of sight you look more clearly then consider a 30 day no date or touch..see how he woo you.
go live with him for a year see if it works then get married you two have issues to work on together.
Jealousy will always kill a relationship sounds like your in deep in this one. I think there is more to this question, has he ever cheated or you?


your not jealous unless given a reason to be
It sounds like both of you have a bit of maturing to do before committing to marriage.





JMHO
it sounds like both of you need to grow-up some,


before there is a marriage+divorce at your house!
I was/am in the same situation... My fiancee's past was a mess... He was a party boy and somewhat of a man whore... His past still disturbs me till this day, but I have to remember that it's his PAST... There's nothing I can do to change that... I'm just happy I wasn't with him back in the day... He has changed so much with me, as I have to, without even asking each other... It's just how much we love each other... When I was with my ex, I found soo many other guys attractive, and have mentioned to friends that I wondered how it was with them in bed... (even though I never acted on this!!), but now that I am with my fiancee, there's no one else more attractive than him to me... And he says the same to me... Before, yes, he has admitted that he told me things that I wanted to hear, oppose to the truth, b/c he wanted to make me happy... But after a few arguments, he no longer does that... And I love it.. Even if it's a negative comment... I would rather hear the truth. And, I believe him in every aspect. Your fiancee COULD have changed... I know they say no one ever changes, but I believe parts of you can... I know I have and I believe my fiancee has too...


I can't give you any advice on how to fix your thought process, because sometimes I have nightmares about his past till this day... But, I know deep down inside that he would never hurt me and be who he used to be... He is madly in love with me and wants no harm...


You are his future... Jealously is an evil thing, and I admit, I'm working on mine too, but he chose YOU.. If he wanted someone else, he wouldn't be fighting for you to put the engagement back ';on';...


Hope this helped!!
You already have witnessed him flirting with other women. What do you think he does when you aren't around? Yes, you made the right decision. Not only is he a flirt but he's a bully. He doesn't want you talking or looking at other men. This would never work anyway. Just part as friends and let him find a woman that doesn't mind that he flirts or doesn't mind a man trying to control her. You can do better.
You need to decide to leave him or marry him, you can't stay in the middle. He lied to you and you were right to call it off for even one tiny doubt. You can't get past what he did, then you should find someone who won't treat you like he did, but you can't call it off and still stay with him! Sh it or get off the pot!
I'm not sure how long it has been since you called off your engagement but he could truly realize how great you are and doesn't want to lose you. Have you considered counseling? That might help because you obviously harbor bad feelings towards him for how he used to be. If he really wants to marry you, he would be willing to try that. If he didn't want to marry you, he wouldn't want to try.
you said you made a long story short...i'm basically getting the drift that he hurt you, and you're still suffering from that hurt. let him know that. you can't move forward with any relationship when one person falls behind. make sure that he knows that you love him, and want it to work, but with whatever happened, it's forcing to take a step back, sort it out, work it out together, before moving ahead again. and if you know 100% for sure that you know now that you would never ever marry him, then you just have to keep it real with him, and move on.
I went through almost the same thing. I was engaged to my bf after 4 years together. He knew from the beginning of the relationship about how I felt about him going to strip clubs and stuff. Not that there is anything wrong with them for single people, but just my feeling that they have no place for people in a relationship. Anyways, I found out (he told me) that when he went to NYC with his friends that he got a private lap dance from a stripper. I couldn't even tell you the hurt I felt. I stayed with him for about another 6 months and I could just not get over the hurt that caused. Just knowing that he knew it would hurt me and he did it anyways was what I could not get over. I eventually ended it because it was just something that was consuming my life and I knew I couldn't get over. He tried to get me back for months but I stayed strong and never went back. It was the best move I have ever made. Now I am married to a wonderful man who would never do anything like that to me. Do what you feel in your heart. I knew I was better than what he could give me.
If he can't accept that you don't want to marry him, then I would leave him. I've known women who've agreed to stay with a guy only because he would leave them otherwise, and not because they wanted to marry him. I've never seen it work out. If the though of marrying him makes you so uncomfortable, it's a pretty good sign that he's not the right one for you to spend your life with. There's really no point in continuing a dead-end relationship.