My sister said my man's looking to buy me an engagement ring, BUT...I need advice about my situation! HELP!!!!?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 8 years now. We've had our ups and downs like every relationship - sometimes we have a blast together and sometimes we dislike each other. I've currently run into a situation regarding my relationship and I'm having a difficult time making a decision and could really use some good advice...





Some important background information is necessary. So about five years ago or three years into the relationship, I found inappropriate conversations and e-mails trying to meet up with people that he had met in online chat rooms. I confronted him, multiple times, about all the things I found and he denied it was him at first, and then he promised never to do it again. He told me it was an outlet in which he could be himself without being judged. Ok, his mistake, maybe he had a hard time opening up intimately 鈥?I understand it鈥檚 difficult to trust people in that way. I know he loved me and would never actually go through with it, so I took his word and moved on.





Fast-forward to present time - eight years into our relationship or five years since the previously discussed scandal. I found him searching craigslist erotic services for all types of **** - men, women, trannies, orgies, etc. He's even gone so far as to respond to a few ads while I was at work seeing if he could meet up with these people. I don't have any evidence implying that he's actually met up with anyone or not. I鈥檝e been monitoring his actions for the past few months and he鈥檚 still browsing every once in a while. I know I have to confront him, but I feel like I need more hard evidence so he can鈥檛 lie to my face. I also feel like I need more hard evidence to justify my leaving the relationships. I鈥檓 just not sure what evidence I am looking for or when I鈥檒l get enough evidence to make a decision.





I've tried to get him to talk about any possible fantasies he might have and try to get him to open up sexually to me, but he never mentions any crazy things he wants to try. I mean, we probably have as much sex as every other healthy couple, so it's not like he's deprived. He JUST recently (in the past six months or so) opened up and started talking about masturbating, but only because I pressed the issue.





I am furious and upset and am not sure what to do. I know the easy answer is to leave him, but I feel like I've invested so much time and energy into this relationship. I know he has issues with poor self esteem so I kind of feel bad just leaving without trying to work through this with him. I feel like I owe it to him to try and help him through his issues. How do I determine if I should leave it or try to save it? I just don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 any trust left. I just feel like I gave him a second chance before 鈥?if I give him another chance this time, who鈥檚 to say he won鈥檛 do it again?My sister said my man's looking to buy me an engagement ring, BUT...I need advice about my situation! HELP!!!!?
Holding on is very hard to do when trust is gone . . . and that's no lie.





Trust is the foundation of every relationship. If you have no trust, then you are dealing with a veritable stranger or a consummate liar.





Listen to your man. If your man tells you that he feels he can be himself without being judged online, then the real persona you are dating is that guy online, not the other man you feel you have invested so much time and energy into.





Character is what you are when other folks are not around.





You have an idea of what ';your man'; is doing when you are not around. You don't need empirical evidence because when you present it to him, he is going to deny it -- just like he did when you first caught him online.





Your gut is already telling you what you need to know. Unfortunately, you still want to rationalize away bad behavior. It appears that you want to co-sign his bad behavior by remaining in a relationship that is void of trust, integrity, and commitment.





You want to romanticize about yesterday rather than dealing with the inconvenient truth that your man can not solely commit to you because of a seemingly unshakable online habit.





Keep in mind, should you decide to marry him, the online guy who is cruising for a variety of sexual situations, is the one you are promising to spend the rest of your life with. . . for better or for worse.





You can choose to play warden for the rest of your life, but that is your call.My sister said my man's looking to buy me an engagement ring, BUT...I need advice about my situation! HELP!!!!?
It definitely sounds like he has some erotic fantasies about this stuff, and maybe just reading the ads online turns him on. I doubt he's actually meeting up with anyone - you'd probably know. Since he just opened up to you about masturbation, which is a very common thing, I'm assuming he's just inhibited when it comes to sexuality. Could be something from his past, or he might just be bashful in that area. I think finding him searching Craigslist is all the evidence you need - you should bring it up to him again with the premise of, ';Listen, I know you've been looking up those things again, and I need you to promise me you're not actually meeting up with people - just looking.'; Think of all the guys who watch porn online - is it really any different if he's not following through with it? Of course it'll be a risk for you to take, as in, he may one day actually meet up with someone, but you know him better than us and if you want to take that chance, it's up to you. Eight years is a long time to throw it all away, but at the same time do you want to make a permanent commitment to someone you can't trust as a boyfriend? Go with your instincts and you can't go wrong. Good luck.
You need to talk to him about this before he pops the question.If he is shopping for an engagement ring then you don't have much time.You need to tell him what you found and let him know that he is hurting you by going to these sites and not only that but that he is breaking your trust.Let him know that you are willing to play out whatever fantasies he has,that you want him to be happy.Let him know that you can't keep playing these games,that if you two are going to spend the rest of your lives together then he has to let you in on his little fantasy,no matter how out there it is,try to make it happen for him.Maybe he just likes watching it,if that the case then you can watch it together.By doing this you can find out what he likes.If you don't want to be in the relationship anymore,then don't drag it out and make a big deal out of it,just end it.You owe it to yourself to be happy,you can't make someone else happy if you aren't happy.You either talk to him now or you leave him.Good luck and I hope this helps.
I know you invested time and energy into this but if he is doing this while you are his gf, imagine what he will do when he becomes your husband and the demands of day to day life start to trickel in. Im telling you from expereince with plenty of my friends that this will continue into the marriage and then you may have kids to worry about too. This WILL end bad or it wont end you will be left with a marriage where you are miserable and you may have kids who will suffer. There are plenty of guys out there who will give their right arm for a great woman. So drop this guy and get a good guy who you deserve
I would say try and save it. Its not like you guys have been together for a few months you have been together for years. So it is worth dealing with. As for him not opening up about sex or fantasies it might just be the simple fact that he thinks you might laugh or something he has some esteem issues. Instead of trying to get him to tell you what he wants sexually why don't you just try new things and surprise him with it and see what happens. Maybe he wants to see is you can be as open as he wants or thinks he wants. He doesn't sound like a bad guy it just sounds like he talks to other people about sex or looks around for people who do the things he likes rather than telling you. he needs to find a way to be open with you or it will not work. I think its possible to work out but he has to be willing as well. As for the craigslist thing I look at the personals all the time and i even tell them to my guy or he looks with me (we are not interested in any of the people or anything going on we just like to look at the adds and see what people say) we are weird like that though. So to us it is funny but to you it means something totally different. Just talk to him and explain to him what you need form him and if he cannot do it then you guys cannot make it work any longer. you can only invest so much time in a relationship before you realize its not going to work or hes not going to change.