My best friend just told me she that she has been dating a 22 yr old for 6 months, she is 33. The guy just told her he loved her and wants to marry her. The problem is the guy is younger and he will be playing in the NFL this fall in another state. She expressed to me that she loves him very much and wants to be with him. I want to be a friend and just support her in whatever she does...but she is asking my opinion. I don't know what to say...I just want her to be happy but I feel that everything is too fast. How can I tell her without upsetting her?Engagement advice?
Hold your tongue and support your friend. You can let her know that you are concerned about the age difference and the fact that he's a professional athlete and what all that entails, but your base concern is for her happiness. If she's happy; You're happy. Period. Then hope for the best.Engagement advice?
He's a 22 year old football player who's going to be getting more action than the only bathroom at a frat party when he's out of town.
Tell your friend that you think he's too young to know what he wants. She'll try and say he's mature for his age, but seriously, everyone says that. Tell her you would not be her friend if you didn't say anything, but that you're only going to tell her once. After that, if she still decides to go through with it, you'll support her, but you've said your piece and all you can do is watch the trainwreck.
You need to tell her it is her decision and not yours. You cannot make that choice for her. Tell her listen to her heart, but lead with her head, and she will make the right decision. Tell her you don't want to see her hurting, only happy. And for her to do what is going to make her happy and keep her happy for many years to come.
Before you tell her how you feel advise her that she asked for your opinion and that it is only your opinion. She is going to do whatever she chooses. I was married when I was 18 and divorced 5 1/2 years later(My aunt had a bet that I wouldn't last 1,2, 3, 4,etc. years and so I stayed married). I dated my exhusband for 6 months before marrying him. My aunt told me one time that if we didn't rush to get married that I would be able to have perhaps a bigger wedding ceremony. I wish I would have taken her advice, but I was young and thought I knew everything. I have now been in a relationship for over 2 years and we want to get married, but it's no rush. After all, it's only a piece of paper that declares that you are married. I can say I'm married to my fiance now, but the legal issue of it all would say I'm not. My question to her is , how is this 22 year old going to feel when she is 40 or 50? He is just starting his life and needs to get the chance to live it first without getting married. I don't know this guy well enough to say this, but statistically speaking, he might not be faithful. I hope for your friends sake he is. I have a coworker who has asked for my advice on her 36 year old daughter who likes to inhale that air stuff for keyboards. I told her what I thought like her daughter is a grown up and that let her daughter find out for herself how bad it is for her. Now she has taken a leave of absence from work for a whole month to babysit her 36year old daughter. Sounds to me like they both have some growing up to do(my coworker and daughter). Your friend is old enough to know what she wants, but her boyfriend on the other hand is just starting his career and life. I would tell her to wait a few years before getting hitched and if they are still in love after those few years, then go ahead, but with divorce rate as high as it is not after 6months. Divorce is very costly too especially when you have children. Btw, I am not saying it can or cannot work. You could also ask her to speak to whoever is going to marry her and have them do a compatibility test before going on. I did and we agreed mostly in the bedroom part of it( saying it nicely in case it offends anyone). the rest as you can see is history. I would just tell her what is the rush? I understand that being in the nfl can mean being busy and no time to get hitched, but if they are truly in love they will take their time and get to know one another first. I thought I knew my husband in the 6 months that we were together and in all honesty, I didn't. She has to realize their will be girls all over him and will she be able to put up with his status if he becomes popular? She has a lot on her plate whether or not she knows it. Time is the key to her success in this relationship. Have her read all our emails. After all, you asked our opinion because you don't want to mislead your best friend and she might even value the good opinions on this site. She shouldn't do it if she is in it for the money. Money isn't everything. And why am I getting thumbs down? I only know from experience and whoever gave thumbs down might not have. After all, I think some of them were good and I even gave good ratings to others. WTH.
the guy is going to be in the NFL? sure. whatever. having a high profile person as a mate almost never works out. for one, the guy is very young and still has all that ';young life'; that he is going to want to live, without being tied down. two, there are going to be a million girls around him at all times just because pf his high profile. it won't work.
They are both adults.....and no one can predict the future.
Tell her to enjoy and have fun.
And just be there for her if it doesn't work out.
Tell her to take the money.
its never easy but sometimes a true friend must state the truth to there friend! so i would just ask her in a calm manner if she really thinks her relationship with this guy will last. i mean yeah 6 months is nice but ';love'; in the beginning will make people do stupid things. and try to observe them together whether or not you think they actually go good together. i have been with my man for 4 1/2 years and he just proposed to me on xmas and were getting married next year.
Just tell her how you feel. Everyone has a different opinion. I personally think he's too young for her.
Just tell her what you just told us. That you care about her and want her to be happy but if she really ';wants'; your advice...you think she should take it slowly to make sure he is truly ready for marriage.
Be careful what you say though. Because even when people say they want advice they usually don't appreciate it when it doesn't match their own opinion about their life.
I really wouldnt. If shes happy then just let it go and let her do her thing even if she does want her opinion. My best friend was in a not so great relationships for a while and she would come to me for advice but wouldnt change when i told her it was a bad relationship, finally years later it ended on its own. Yes, she could have listened to me from the beginning but some people just have to learn on their own. and if this is a good guy and treats her right, age really doesnt matter as long as they are both happy. i wouldnt get involved unless you had a reason like he was treating her badly.
listen, she ain't getting any younger.
worst case, she takes half. last i checked, NFL rookies make pretty good money.
How about just being honest with her. Tell her you are happy for her, but if it were you, you would feel that things were moving way to fast She may feel the same way, which is why she is asking your opinion. Usually if there is a doubt in our mind we look to people we trust for validation. So be honest, sweet and supportive. Don't tell her what to do, tell her how you feel and then let her talk! It does sound fast but it may seem desperate to them now but given the chance to talk it out they might see more options. I am guessing she values you thoughts and respects you! So be the great friend you are and talk it out!
Good Luck to you! And her as well!
Right now her head is completely clouded and consumed with this guy. I'm not saying that it cannot work out, it most definitely can. But I think she is just setting herself up for a fall. This is a young man who clearly hasn't even experienced life yet and possibly at the very beginning of his career. But again, who am I to say without knowing this man.
I think in situations like this you should just support your friend even if you don't agree. I think you should tell her to take some time away to really think about the outcome of this situation. Maybe advise her to lose contact for a while and if she still feels the same way then go for it. But we all know that when we feel these gitty feelings inside that there isn't anyone going to stop us. We ask for advice but we don't take it. We only learn on our own. So I would take it easy because she's going to do what she wants to do regardless. You cannot stop her.
Sounds strange to me.
When he's 35 (relatively still young for a man), she will be 46. I very much doubt that a 35 year old man will want to be married to a 46 year old woman. She is setting herself up to fail.
Sounds like she's doing it for the money.
I'm sure she thinks she's in love, but she's probably in love because he'll be pulling big checks. The 22 year old sounds like a dummy.
Edit: I notice I'm getting thumbs down.
No doubt older women.
Sorry for speaking the truth.
Well if she is ASKING your opinion, then she should get your opinion. Obviously, you don't think it's a good idea for her to marry him. If that is the case, you can tell her that but you can do it diplomatically too. Just state first and foremost that you care about her and these are your concerns. Don't bad mouth him or anything extreme, it will only cause resentment on her part towards you.
Just tell her your opinion. Not the opinion of any stranger. Tell her how you truly feel without saying it rudely and without hurting her feelings. Let her know you really care for her and are giving her your true advise because you want only the best for her.
please my dear marriage is a personal thing and i believe that she know what she want and at trouble she nos how to handle it so i advice you that you tell to follow her mind
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