I am thinking too much about engagement and marriage - any advice?

Sorry I'm reposting this but I was hoping for some more ideas.





Lately I have found myself focusing too much on engagement and marriage. I'm in my 20s and attending college. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and he told me several weeks ago that he has plans in the next few months to get engaged. He wants it to be a complete surprise.





Of course my neurotic (and overly obsessive) self is now focusing on every single day like it is THE day we'll get engaged. I over analyze his every move. I wonder when he leaves the room if he's going to get the ring. I know it sounds crazy - I guess it all comes from my rather neurotic nature of having to have everything planned out to the tee. I mean almost every morning I sit down and plan out an itinerary for my day. I HATE surprises and not knowing about this engagement is driving me up the wall.





I also find myself scouring wedding websites and this forum in particular. I spend at least two hours or so a day devoted to something wedding related.





I guess my question is: Is there any advice on how to stop this behavior? Should I look into finding new hobbies? Working out more? I've told my boyfriend I wanted to stop talking about marriage, but it invevitably becomes a topic of conversation. We both love each other, and we're both serious about this relationship. I'm not obsessed with him by any means. Obsessed with weddings? Maybe.





Please don't be rude - I know this is a problem. I'm not saying it's normal, but I'm also not crazy. I just like to have my life planned out in advance, and in this case it's really messing up my day to day living.I am thinking too much about engagement and marriage - any advice?
I've been having the same problem for...well, about a year and a half now. I still indulge a little (I spend some time on here, and look at www.offbeatbride.com every couple days), but what helped me was to look at it like this:





Getting engaged and then getting married are huge. Ultimately, I would like to be surprised. My boyfriend and I live together and we have discussed marriage at great length, but I think he wants to be more settled before we actually just do it (plus, we both want to elope, which means significantly less planning).





Because I want to enjoy all this when it happens, I had to force myself to stop. Stop focusing on it, wondering how it will happen, or if we argue about this or that, will he change his mind, just stop thinking about it the way I had been. It's hard to do if you don't feel like you have enough motivation, but the motivation for me was this:





I really want to enjoy everything as it happens, when it happens. Part of that is to not ruin it with expectations or planning or whatever ahead of time. I don't want to get pulled out of it when it does happen because I keep thinking about how it doesn't meet my expectations or fantasies.





It sounds like I'm making it too simple, and it may not work for you, but it did for me, so it's just an idea. Hope it helps. :)I am thinking too much about engagement and marriage - any advice?
talking is fine. I think is the way to express and find out more about each other and the types of wedding y'all would like to have, but don't over kill the topic and you might ruin the surprise. Relax and focus on each and your school. That will take your mind of the subject.
I think what your feeling is not neurotic - it is excitement. It's hard to be patient when you know it is coming (I know first hand) but as long as you aren't booking vendors or buying anything wedding related, I think it is okay to do some research.
i did the exact same thing that youre doing now. i thought about it constantly like you said. always thinking 'today might be the day.' and then being let down when i thought a certain moment wouldve been perfect and it didnt happen...





then our anniversary came along. it was a monday. i thought about it alllllll day long at work. and sure enough he proposed that evening. but i had ruined the surprise for myself! people kept asking if i was surprised and i would say yes because i didnt want to sound like a crazy person! it makes me wish i was never so obsessed about it! just think about it like that i guess....





but in the end youll still be happy when it happens :)
i'm in exact same situation as u....i have been doing searching the websites too but its my vaccation now so i let myself go....but once the school starts im gonna concentrate on studies...how about u talk with ur bf and ask when exactly u want the wedding and plan abt the wedding 6-12 months b4 that....tell urself everything will work out fine and too much obessesion can mess up everything so eventually u will stop this behavior....gud luck with everything
It's an interesting question and I don't think you're neurotic. I think we all have compulsive behaviors on certain type issues, and to me it's obvious what's causing yours here. As the veteran of some good therapy at one point in my life, and someone who is very much like you...this is a control issue! You like to be in charge and organize. Fine, but here's the biggest day in a girl's life - and the ultimate planning exercise - and not only do you have no control over it, but it's going to be dumped in your lap as a surprise, which you hate. So what's happening is both predictable and normal.





That's why I don't think working out or learning to knit will help. What I think will help is having a long chat with your guy, where you try to explain your reaction to all this. It's a good exercise in compromise, because the process of getting engaged might be working fine for him, but it's literally wrecking your sanity. And you also have the right to not like surprises. In fact, what's happening here isn't a surprise at all - it's more like torture, because you know it's coming --you just don't know when or how.





I really think you need to talk to him, but don't take on all the ';blame';. Just explain where you're coming from and that you do need some resolution on this. It's not as weird as you think to feel this way, but you do have to respond when it starts consuming your life.
I totally did that too, we're about the same age and in a similar spot-- we decided together that we're going to get married, and we have been going ring shopping so that he knows what to gets me so he can feel good about having ';officially'; proposed. So I know it's coming!





I have just made it a point to concentrate on my studies or the other stressful/important things I've got going on. I remind myself from time to time, ';wedding drama can wait, let's just get this done first.'; Whether it be an assignment, a shift at work, whatever.





I also eventually hit a point where there was really no more planning I could do without my mom's help, or a set date. So that helped calm me down, too. XD