While the decision is ultimately yours, I will give you something to think about.
There is no excuse for cheating.
No excuse can be made for cheating. It's NOT beyond anyone's control. It's NOT a mistake. It IS a choice. Saying it happened because something was missing, unfulfilling or ANYTHING else is a cop out. PERIOD.
It's not that ';something's missing from you'; -- it's what she, herself, is missing.
For any relationship to be healthy, one must be healthy going into it. Cheating is a sign you're not, and thinking that one can cheat and ';move on'; like it never happened is simply foolish. She /decided/ to damage your relationship. She chose to hurt you. That is NOT love. The dynamic of the relationship has changed. She has invited others into the realm of intimacy you were asking to share exclusively with her -- she made you a sexual competitor! When she cheated, she made a choice -- a selfish one which put you lower on her list of priorities.
So many spout ';Forgive and forget.'; People forgive, but they do not forget being hurt. It's our nature to remember to protect our sensitivity. Anyone who can forget it like nothing ever happened is the owner of a very hardened heart.
Trust and respect are earned and once one has cheated, they have lost those. Cheating is abuse, and she will have to earn trust and respect again before anyone will make themselves vulnerable again to her.
If you marry and she hasn't addressed her personal issues before hand, you will struggle uphill daily and infidelity will terrorize your relationship throughout its life. Once children are involved it only becomes more heartbreaking and more painful.
The true tragedy of cheating is when one cheats, the other person pays long afterward and it never had to happen in the first place. Cheating is /always/ a choice. And she made it.
But, guilt can be a powerful teacher. I know I've made some horrible choices in my life, and hindsight is 20/20. If you truly feel that you can go on with your relationship, then do it.Fiancee cheated after engagement/ we have a baby/ advice?
You need to do what you feel is best for you.
Your baby is your love and that will never change, but you should not put yourself in a situation where you will get hurt.
I know from personal experience that long distance relationships made into close relationships are VERY difficult. You know each other through email, chats, phone and very intense meetings. The time you are together can seem almost dreamy and perfect at times because you are basically on vacation. Really being together is a new experience. It becomes a new relationship and you learn things about the other person that you did not know before. All the gaps are filled in... you no longer fanticize about how they are on a daily basis.
With that in mind.... remember that faithfulness is a choice. She chose not to be faithful to you. And considering you have a child together and are engaged... I personally would see no reason for her to cheat. Ask yourself if you trust her. Will she does this again... and if she does, what will happen then? Usually it seems that if you cheat once you will do it again.
But, if you believe her and trust her... then follow that! Sometimes people learn from thier mistakes. We are only human.
But I believe she should have told you something was missing from your realtionship... she obviously is looking to fill a void and that void was filled by another man.
Look within yourself for the answer, because it is your life and you need to make it a happy one.
No matter what you decide, your baby will be loved by you and it's mother. It would be best if you could share that love together, but sometimes life has other plans for us.
She sounds sincere.I would give her another chance,you have a baby together.That's a big thing,I think you should patch things up %26amp; move past this together.
Dear confused,
Well it has always been said to me once a cheat always a cheat. I know that sounds harsh but true. In your case since you've not been together for a while, I would have to say that you need to try to spend some time together. Then if you still have mixed feelings you'll need to let go. And fight for custody of the child.
ur fiance feels really bad about it
she posted up a question
u should go and see to it
Well you said you've forgiven her, but you also said you ';loved'; as in past tense. If that's the case then move on. If you do still love her and you're worried she's doing this for society's sake then take things real slow until you're sure. She could be telling the truth about it meaning nothing and just being lonliness. It's a powerful emotion that can drive a person to do something incredibly stupid.
If you do marry her i dont think the marriage will last for long because everytime she's out you will be thinking about what she is doing.She broke your trust in her and no marriage can survive without trust
I think the choice is urs because no one knows ur heart and can tell u what u can and can not deal with, so on that u must decide if its worth the risk but I can tell u that I have also been in a long distance relationship for two year and we are too engaged. My fiance was supposed to be in the states by this month but there was some mix up the embassy and it got pushed back a few more months and it broke my heart. It gets tuff when you are waiting, and I love my fiance dearly but I can tell u that I have thought about cheating and I have never cheated on any man I was with. I miss him so much that sometimes I want to forget him jus to get away from the pain, and lonliness I feel when he is not here and as much as I can say that she is wrong for cheating I understand. My fiance adores me but he is so far away, sometimes I really want some company and attention and it difficult to keep telling myself to wait wait wait. The thing that stops me from cheating is that I know it wont be worth it, and I know that I will lose the greatest man I have ever met and I know I would hurt him and those things keep me from even being in the pressence of men too long because even though I have decided not to cheat I still need to be careful because the desire for companionship is still there. So I can say that maybe she feel victim to the needs we all have and even more so as women and that she is probably very sorry for what she did. And even though it hurts you and everything you do have the power and can make the choice to forgive her and give her another chance and you can also walk away. Ask yourself do u think it would have happened if you two were together?
End it. And run ithe opposite direction. These things are not forgiveable. Start a new life today, rather than 10 years from now. He will do it again. He may say he loves you, but if he can do that, he doesn't love you enough. Does he. You deserve better.
You are in France? And your worried about your babys momma. Yeah right go find a girl from there and bring her with you to the United States to visit your baby.It is very sad for the baby but when she is old enough to understand she will know that mommy and daddy are not together because mommy liked sleeping around. The woman says she well never do it again don't believe her. Hope this advice help. Hey look at it this way YOUR FREE!!!!!
it sound like both of you need to be together other wise this
will not work. long distance relationship are hard, and
it really look like she has all the time to do what what
since you have the child with you and she is single
in france. time to get together or time to leave it along
trust me if she cheated once , she will do it again.
You're going to have to figure out some way to get along for the sake of your baby. But sure as hell don't marry him.
Dude! This is a tough one. I think you may have to look inside your feelings for this one. For one thing... a long-distance relationship is hard to maintain. If you argued over the phone and were on an LD relationship, it's hard to keep the relationship alive. However, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't marry her and I would definitely move on. Only time will tell what will happen. I was on a similar relationship (no baby and no Long Dist) with a girlfriend almost 10 years ago. She was startingto go out with someone... luckily I found out through personal means [hey! When you are suspicious and want to REALLY find something out, you must take things into your own hands... as long as it's the legal way and don't intrude with any privacy laws] Once I found out, I pretended I did not know anything and she lied to me as to where she had been. I loved this girl dearly, but after that, I had to break it up. I was partially guilty... I was not treating her well and I may have pushed her to do what she did, but when a relationship is not working... it's just not working! Do not marry her (at least not now) and if you will get back to her, you must wait a good amount of time... maybe years. Time and your true feelings will be the key to solving this problem... just give it TIME! In the meantime, you might as well start dating someone else... ENJOY IT dude! Do not wait until 10 years from now to do this... date someone else, it will help you get over this situation. Regarding her... I don't know! Look out for yourself first (and follow your obligations... child support %26amp; visits) It's not worth living in misery.... she sounds like she is feeling bad about what happened, but I would still be cautious and would not marry/forgive her just because she feels terribly sorry... forgive her, but look out for yourself first!
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