It's worth it to be near your daughter. That being said, I'd not move in with let alone marry this woman until you've been in the states for awhile to see if it will work and prepare yourself in case it doesn't.
She sounds sorry, but its so easy at this point for her to not have to deal with any of this while you aren't on the phone. Long distance is tough because you are not in the the everyday grind of a persons life. She gets to present to you what she wants to present to you. Being face to face with a person is harder to hide from someone what you don't want them to see.
With her affairs, she needs to start all over in terms of trust. She has a lot of in your face proving to you that she is committed to making the relationship work. She has to prove she can be trustworthy, open and honest with you. It's only something you will discover over time.
If you think that she truly recognizes her mistakes and is ready to put the effort into the challanges the two of you will face after a long distance relationship coupled with cheating several times, then start the process. If you don't feel she does recognize the mistakes and effort she needs to invest, then don't.
But definitly get to know your daughter because you've already missed a lot.Fiancee cheated after engagement/ we have a baby/ advice?
Long Distance relationships are hard to deal with but there is no excuse for cheating. There is such a thing as waiting until the two of you can be together. If you have forgiven her for breaking this trust the two of you are supposed to have, then what are you actually expecting from her? She won't cheat because your in the same country? People cheat because there is something missing. If she cheated on you because you two argue a lot, what other excuses will she feed you? If she said it wasn't even worth it, was that because she couldn't make it work with him or because your better than he was? A lot to think about before you marry her. You can have the baby in your life without marrying her.
If he'll cheat now he'll cheat later. I would grab my kid-run and not look back.
give her a 2nd chance, long distance is hard, at least she admitted to it so she could be honest and move on. seems like she is remorseful of her mistake and wants to make it up to you. give her a 2nd chance, everyone makes mistakes and she seems like she is willing to do whatever to prove it to you.
Focus on your child. I think you need to be in the same country as your child. Do NOT get back with this woman if you do not forgive her or feel you can't trust her. Be near your child so you can help raise her. you will be doing your child a huge dis-service if you get with or marry her mother to be with your child. Staying together or being together for the sake of a child is pure BS and does NOT work.
I feel that she deserves a second chance. The only reason I feel you should give her another chance is because at least she did say she wanted to start on a clean slate. That shows that she wants to be honest with you and that she really feels that you have the right to know that she messed up. The good thing about it is that she told you before you got married rather than after so that you have the choice to be with her now or not. Yeah, it was probably a mistake but it was unfortunately the worst one you could make. Give her another chance but let her know she is walking on thin ice from the gate.
Dude.
Way to be. Its nice that a guy is the one to take care of the kid AND work.
Let me guess she can't raise the child AND work because it IS about her carrier. While you are the family she is lonely and cheats.
This kind of puts you in a tough spot.
I will tell you that as a guy who has lived through infidelity you can give her one second chance and make it work.
Its not easy and to me requires that she knows why it happened and tells you, that she will promise to NEVER do it again AND she signs a prenup that if she ever does cheat again she is gone with her clothes and NOTHING else ( including your child). She does not get and marital assets even 50%. If she is serious she will do this. If not well you will know her resolve.
You are in a tough spot and there was some level of opportunity since you were not married . That does not ease the pain.
I also think you guys need to be together as well. Long distance relationship is an oxymoron.
Give it a try. The damage is done and there is only one way to make it better and that's to move forward.
Get that prenup and Good Luck.
She cheated! Why do you think so little of yourself to stay with a cheater? You can still be a good parent to you child and not be with her mother. You do deserve better.
once a cheater always a cheater?girls cheat for completly different reasons,she needs attention!!!!!!!!!!!!,long distantce doesnt cut it. come to America and yall cant work it out.then it just wasnt meant to be(a child can not hold two people toghether),but if u two can come to trust each other,well then,great for you!!!
she made a mistake and people do it all the time. the real question is will she do it again. what is your heart telling you. if you all happy with her stay, it will take time to trust and get over this. Remember the love of your life is with her and you have to see them both for the rest of your life any ways. But if you know in your heart you can't trust her let her go and be the best dad you can.. only you can answer this question.. good luck and remember your not the only person going thought this. talk to her, family, friends, and the doc if you need to. I wish you luck and this takes time..
Long distance relationships cannot work for this exact reason. If you plan on living together from now on (when you go back in October) there is a chance this could work. If not, forget it, it is a done deal. Now, if you will be back together in Chicago for good, I would give it another go. I would not get married, but I would give it perhaps 6months. your 6th sense by then will know what to do. you will both either fall back in love, and will be able to move onward together, or you will still be unsure or you will be wanting to get out altogether. However, for the sake of the child, if you feel she is truly sorry and has grieved over this, give it another go. (Use condoms no matter what though) For your child's sake, forgive her mom enough to work it out. I would also go to couple's counseling as well. If after the time period (say 6 months) you realize it cannot be worked out, or the love is gone, or you are still unsure, then you can decide what to do then. I will say this, I was in a long distance relationship, and he cheated on me too. It is the nature of the beast. I will never again be in a LD relationship. Good luck to you.(By the way, I am now raising my child alone, and it sucks to say the least)
Long distance relationships are very hard, and if she is honest about why she did it, then I see alittle merit in that. Still it isn't right to do this to anyone under any condition. I would give her a 2nd chance and work on getting the two of you together and end the long distance relationship. You should do this for the two of you and your daughter.
well this is a very sticky situation. I believe that you two need come to some kind of truce and weigh all options before you give a answer that is permanent you need to consider all of the problems. you may even need a mediator that is unbiased to the situation so it doesn't turn into a blame game. but the biggest thing is to decide what is best for your daughter because at this point she is the biggest reason to have some resolve. So consider all things. The main one being why are you so far away from your family? is your career more important? or is your fiance's job more important that submitting to yours? be honest and through about everything involved so you can execute a firm plan.
I hope your aren't expecting fidelity and loyalty, because you know what is at hand right now. You need a DNA test just to keep things on the straight and narrow. If the child is truly yours then, taking all things into consideration, marry her if you feel she will be true to you this time. If the DNA test doesn't hold true, break it off. Then,find yourself one of those thick rubber bands place it on your wrist and give yourself a hard snap every time you think of her. You deserve much better.
I hate to say it, but I will. If she cheated with you because she was lonely and your relationship is long distance, what is really going to change. You don't say whether or not you are going to go back to France or if there is future travel required for your job. The next time you leave, what's to stop it from happening again for the same reasons as the first time. Being engaged didn't keep her faithful and marriage certainly won't. You can be a part of your childs future, especially since you will probably be paying child support anyway. Don't let society dictate how you live your life, they don't park their shoes under your bed everynight and have to sleep next to you. Do what you feel is right, in your heart. Good luck.
Forgive once. The next time seperate.
Do it for your baby girl. One more chance. She got lonely %26amp; messed up. You forgive her, now let it go.
Move over to U.S. as planned %26amp; get your family togeather. Once you are there perminiately, things should fall into place.
That's why long distance relationships are so hard. There's no day to day contact. Life is about chances sometimes. If you don't give it a chance, you might never forgive yourself for becomming another satistic.
Also consider how hard it has been for her to raise a baby on her own.
It's got to be hard on the both of you too be apart all the time give her a chance sounds like you love her and your baby !!!Go for it!!!
I think she has been punished enough.It sounds like she was just really lonely which is torture to a woman.You have every reason to forgive her as in you have a baby ,shes sorry ect.I beleive she loves you.Dont put off marraige either just forgive her as its in your heart and move on.I doubt it would of ever happened if you had been there.Women have Sex drives and emotional needs unless your a soldier I cant see why you both would not have been together before now.Make your wife or girlfreind a priorty as in being together asap.Forgive her she is only human.Sounds like she loves you.
Long distance relationships are tough. If you really believe that she is sorry for it, give her another chance. But get together asap, for the sake of that baby girl!
This is a question that no one can answer for you. It is one that you have to look deep within yourself to find the answer. If a marriage is going to be successful, it has to be built upon trust. Once trust is lost, even though you forgive the individual, it is difficult and takes a good while for that person to regain your trust.
You, and your fiance have a hurdle to overcome before you get married. Even though you forgive her, you are still going to have a lack of trust and will be suspicious of her activities.
Is she willing to live with you no longer trusting her? How long it will take before you feel like you can trust her again is hard to say.
If you think she just wants to get married for society or her parent's sake that is no reason to get married. It is a shame that you have a baby that is caught up in this dilemma, but you must consider the fact that you wouldn't be doing the child any favors if you got married and the marriage didn't work out.
It is hard enough to have a long distance relationship, let alone an out of the country relationship. Then to add to it having a child to take care of all alone. She I am sure at times feels weak and lonely. As I am sure you do.
first off she told you about it, she could have hid it and never said a word, you may have never found out. That right there is something, she did what she did and she is trying to make things right. If you love her, and she loves you ...the both of you can get past it and move on together and be happy. Although if this job is going to keep you out of the country for more time, this may happen again and again...you cant expect someone to put their life on hold and wait for you for months and years on end. It is not fair to either of you. Seems she has all the family resposibility and you just have your job out of the country. In reality she has no idea what goes on with your either. It is a very touchy thing you are in. Good luck to you.
Leave, you'll never get over it.
In my opinion i think you should give her a second chance. Long distance relationships are very very hard on someone. First of all you are lonely and all you have is a phone call, so when that phone call goes wrong everything else goes down the drain. So just give her another chance because you know if you had done something you would want another chance too..
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