Is this cliche good engagement advice?

Okay, I've heard this over and over again:





';Picture your fiance. Would you still be content to marry them just they way they are, without any changes? If not, you have a problem';





I expect the person I marry to change dramatically. I can't imagine him raising children right now, because we aren't ready for kids! However, I fully expect him to mature as a normal person would, and as I will, and be ready to have kids in a few years. Is this good advice? I feel like it's sillyIs this cliche good engagement advice?
I don't think they mean it like that. Of course we all mature and grow as people. The point of that advice, I think, is that if you enter into a relationship thinking that your partner is flawed, but you're gonna change him... you're going to be disappointed. If he is lazy and unmotivated, but you think you can turn him into an ambitious moneymaker, for instance.





Your situation seems fine to me.Is this cliche good engagement advice?
I believe they are referring to changes such as addictions or habits that are threatening to a marriage, such as drugs or alcohol or abuse.


If you know your partner has any of theses traits then surly changes are necessary but not always resolved.





Your view towards family is a mature way to view your current situation. People do grow and develop with time, you should start a family when you are both financially and emotionally ready. You have the right idea.
I think it makes GREAT sense. You are never going to change someones basic qualities, so if you are expecting that you will be in for a rude awakening. If you are only talking about maturing then yes of course he will mature, so it depends on what it is you want to change dramatically. If he can't pay his bills on time now, that's not likely to change, if he's irresponsible now... that's not likely to change etc etc.





The other thing I always hear is can you see yourself growing old with this person? I was engaged when I was 20 (TOO YOUNG!!!) and someone asked me this... I realized I was in love with the idea of getting married...but really wasn't ready to BE married if that makes sense. if there are ANY doubts at all, don't get married.. It's way too painful to go through a divorce and for sure do not have kids until you know.





If you are worried about the kid raising, have you ever seen him with kids, nieces, nephews, your friends kids? Wait until you can't imagine your life without him in it to get married!
I don't think that's really what they mean. Its more like saying if you compiled every little habit that person has or thing they say/ do that you don't like or get irritated by, and know that those will never go away or change, would you still want to marry them? People change over time as far as maturity goes but most of their personal habits do not.





You might not be able to picture your man as a dad right now but the truth about life is that we are rarely ';ready'; for the things that happen. So picture if you accidentally got pregnant right now. Are you confident that your partner could/ would man up to the responsibility in a way that would work for both of you? This is more along the lines of what they mean. Everyone will change throughout life you just have to be able to grow together and support each other and not let those changes ruin your relationship.
I've never heard it before, actually, but it makes good sense. Let me tell you something: if he's not mature enough to have kids, he's not mature enough to enter into a serious, lifelong commitment of any kind. What kind of husband will he be? And you can't count on his maturing - many, many people do not.
You are absolutely right. People grow and change. I have been married over 40 years now and I know I am not the same as I was when I entered into it.





As for raising children, is anyone ever really ready? It is harder then you can imagine. And don't be surprised if you find you weren't as ready as you thought either.





But you will get through it if you both love and respect each other.





I had my children at 21 and 25. If I had to do over again I would have waited and had the first at 25 and the second soon after.





I would like to have had at least 5 years to get to know my husband first. We didn't live together before marriage.





I would have worked and put the money in a savings so I could stay home with them until they started school. Then I would have gone back to work even if it was only part time.





If you can communicate to your fiance and he listens, understands and takes what you have to say seriously, then you will be fine.





Good luck to you.
The point of that advice is that you need to marry someone for who they are at the very center of their being, not marry to expect them to change or marry to make them change to your ideal.





People do change as they grow and age, but that's natural. If you marry someone expecting them to change their nature or personality, then it will not happen.





Good luck!
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.





If you marry a guy hoping he will turn out to be someone else, you are both going to be very unhappy.
Well, hopefully he will mature, but you should NEVER expect anyone to change. You do need to go into the marriage believing that he will never change. That way if he does in any way change, then you are happy, and if he doesn't, then you won't be disappointed.
I think they mean the ';quality'; of the person, their morals and things like that. Everyone matures and changes over time, but if you don't really ';like'; the person your fiance is now then I think they are saying you will likely not be happy in the long run.


Too many people think ';Oh they will change after we get married, they will ';settle down:'; etc, or ';I'll be able to change this and that about them'; but a marriage is about loving the person, not changing them into the person you expect them to be.