When I talked to friends, and adults, I was only criticized. Everyone gave me the ';you haven't lived your life'; answer also. I am very mature for my age, and I have thought about the marriage idea long and hard.What I took into consideration the most was if I was ready to be tied down or not. Anyways, I am not looking for bad criticism. I would love for it to be constructive, and I would like to hear personal experiences. Knowing the pros and cons of marriage at a young age is helpful. All view points will be greatly appreciated.
As a little background information, my boyfriend and I were best friends first. We finally decided to take it to the next level and things have been going great. I know things are always good at the beginning, but I know that if any problems were to arise, we could work through them. I have no clue how many people believe in love at first sight. With us it wasn't exactly at first sight, but we both know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Please don't tell me that I only think that I want that. Some things you just know.
He's getting ready to join the air force reserve, and I will be going to college in a year or two. I forgot to mention that I will be graduating high school in June ( a year earlier than I was supposed to). He's 19. We are both young, so it's easier to change and adapt to each others needs. We are still talking things through to get a set plan, even though it may change.
I guess that's all that you need to know. If you have any questions please feel free to email me. My preferred email address is crmlbeauty06@aol.com Thank you! :-)I'm 17 and will be getting engaged at 18 (sept. 19). We will most likely have a long-term engagement. Advice?
Be ready for some harsh words on here, hun.
I'm younger (21) as well, and know from experience that 95% of the people out there are going to be against this.
Just remember, no one has room to judge and do what you think is right. Are the odds against both of us because we're young and getting married? Yes...but age on it's own doesn't determine how well your marriage will work. The parents of a friend of mine got married at 16, and are still very happily together. Another pair of parents didn't get married until they were 30 and divorced 2 years later.
Though, I do personally feel it would be best to finish college (I'm graduating in two weeks, yay! lol ) and get a good job before getting married. Expenses start to pile up once you calculate everything in ,you know? But again, that's up to you.
As long as you love this man,and realize that love isn't going to pay the bills and that life isn't always going to be perfectly planned...then best of luck to you :)I'm 17 and will be getting engaged at 18 (sept. 19). We will most likely have a long-term engagement. Advice?
I don't think there is anything wrong with young engagement - BUT - please, please consider waiting until you've graduated from college to even consider marriage.
I know what it's like - I was engaged at 17 to my high school sweetheart. We planned on getting married, and it was a complete failure. He had joined the Marine Corps right after high school and had been in for about 7 months when we got engaged. We had planned to marry when I graduated from a community college - I wouldn't have been ready, and neither of us were mature enough to handle marriage. At 17, 18, 19 - you're just too young to get married.
I'm now 19 and in a very serious relationship. We've talked about getting engaged in the next year, but we both know it will be at least two years after we're engaged before we even get married. He's 22 and still has another year of college, and I'll be a junior this fall. We want to get our degrees, find steady jobs, save money, and grow together as a couple before we pledge ourselves to marriage. I'll be at least 21, maybe 22 when we get married, and he'll be 24/25.
What's important is that you are financially as well as emotionally mature enough to handle marriage. I've been there first hand - I know how military relationships work,and I know there is a rush to get married. The best thing you can do is back away and focus on yourself right now. I'm not saying leave him - I'm saying put away the thoughts of marriage until you've gotten your education. You want to be able to support yourself. Don't rely on him to carry you through life.
Remember - divorce isn't an easy out. Make sure this relationship is what you want. If you have any doubts - please - take your time and be honest. Don't rush into anything. Rushing only leads to heartache and pain. When the time is right you'll know it.
PS: Don't listen to this crap about 25 being the magic number. People are always saying that, and I disagree. I think if you've reached financial and emotional maturity at 21, 22 - go for it. Some people feel the need to sleep around, party it up, and travel the world before they settle down. If you're not one of them, don't worry about 25 being ';it';.
I don't think age really has anything to do with it. I mean yes there are some things that you still have to learn but so does everybody no matter what age they are. As long as you two understand that you're both going to be growing up a lil more after school and can work through things together than it shouldn't matter. I don't know how long you have been dating but I believe is you go through a lot in the dating stage and are able to get through it loving each other more than you should go for it. Now if you've only been together for like 3 months and still haven't had your first real fight then maybe you should reconsider it. But the best advice I can give you is to not listen to everyone else's negativity. Only you can know if you are really ready and it can work.
We were married at 19 in 1956. Do the math. We are still together. Everyone told us we were too young. I look back now and think we were too young. We have grandchildren that age and I think they are too young to get married, only because of their age. Silly. Things were easier back then.
People didn't make much money but everything was very cheap. That's changed. Now people don't make much money and everything is expensive. It's hard to live on one salary. It's hard to work and be home for the kids. We didn't have those problems. Education is much more expensive now than ever. I worked to pay hubby's college tuition and was able to go to grad school because he worked nights and summers. Can't do that anymore. Tuition is too high to work summers to pay for it. College now means ';borrowing'; and paying back later when you still don't make enough to get by.
There is an old saying..you can't live on love alone. In our case, it was false. In today's world it's not enough. One of the major causes of divorce is money, or the lack of it.
You have to decide what you want most for yourself...college...a good job...kids... It's hard but you have each other. Is that enough? You won't be tied down if things don't work out while just being engaged but what will your marital prospects be then? Is living alone the rest of your life an option? If all you are concerned with is being tied down I don't really think you are ready for marriage now. You should want to be with him 24/7.
Honey, I gotta tell ya...if you aren't smart enough not to put your email address on this forum, I doubt that you're wise enough to realize the strength it takes to keep a marriage going. Please don't think I'm trying to mean to you, because I am sincerely not. It's just that I worry about your ability for wise decision making, which is what is needed in a strong, successful marriage.
Well, I can give you my experience. I was married at 17. My husband was 22. I also finished high school early, when I was 16. I am now 19 and he is almost 24. We're really happy and don't regret a thing. We do have arguments (we're both really stubborn!) but we get through them and come out the other side loving each other even more.
Marriage is hard work. You both have to 100% committed to making it work. It's also a lot of fun.
I don't know how involved your parents are, but it was very important to me that mine were involved.
It can definitely work, and don't let anyone get you down with statistics about most young marriages ending in divorce, because that doesn't mean yours will. People will also try to tell you to wait because ';you change so much from 17 to 25.'; Well, you change alot from 25 on up too, and I personally wanted to go through the changes with my husband.
Hope this helped. Good luck!
Congratulations.
I had a friend who got engaged at 19 and at first I was very opposed to the idea. I told her that she was too young, etc. As it turned out, they stayed together and are now married (5 years later....they had a long engagement too).
In their case, his commitment to the army played a major factor in their decision to get engaged at a young age. He needed to know that she would be there for him after he got out of training. They were also very religious and did not believe in sex before marriage, so I think that played a role as well. Not that they were just rushing for the sex, but just the societal mindset that you settle down early rather than dating around for awhile.
I waited until I was 24 years old before I got engaged, and I STILL felt too young. It really depends on your cultural upbringing, your family views and your maturity as to when is the right time for you. I would recommend waiting, but that's based on my own personal experience.
Sometimes, when you are young, you have a different view of what marriage and love are ';supposed'; to be than when you are older. It doesn't mean that your views are invalid, but rather that you may change your mind as to what you want in a few years. I think that is why people are concerned about your young age when it comes to marriage.
I also would take their criticisms of ';but you haven't LIVED yet'; to heart. My fiance and I had a VERY tough time deciding where to go shortly after we got engaged. I had a job offer in a town he didn't want to move to and he had family in a town where I couldn't find a job. It was a VERY difficult decision and I'm still not sure it was the right one for us (I eventually found a job in the city where he wanted to move to, but I am not staying there because it hasn't worked out), but if I hadn't been attached to him, I would have been able to make that decision on my own. I'm not saying that you should just break up with your guy over things like a job, but rather that it is nice to be able to make decisions as they come up, without having the pressure of ';But it's my MARRIAGE. What if this breaks up my MARRIAGE?'; on your shoulders.
I agree about the idea of waiting for a few years before actually getting married. That's what my friend did -- they were engaged for 5 years before the actual wedding. Over that time, there were times when she questioned whether they would actually make it, but I think those struggles made them stronger as a couple when they were finally able to get married.
I know you do not want to hear this, because everyone else probably told you a million times but most young marriages fail..... You wanna know why? Because neither of you have experienced life whether life means going out with friends, or simply being in a different relationship with another person. I felt the same way as you when I was 18. My boyfriend at the time and I were planning marriage, the whole thing.... Nowadays he and I are still friends and honestly may marry someday, but we always tell each other ';wow I'm glad you broke up with me'; we was just too young. If you really care deeply about this guy, just be engaged. Enjoy life with your friends and complete your education. If the two of you feel the same way about each other at 25 then go ahead and marry.
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