I just proposed to my girlfriend and she said yes! :) I want to buy her a beautiful ring, but I am not a rich man and I need some advice.
First off, I'm looking to spend $1000 to $1500 and I have no idea how much rings cost, and what I can get for that.
I'm thinking a simple but elegant white gold ring, with a moderate size diamond. A stone in proportion to the ring, that will have a nice sparkle to it. Meaning, not too small, but not a huge rock either.
What are the chances of being able to afford a pink diamond?
A. What kind of options am I looking at with my criteria?
B. What jeweler would you recommend?
I'm in the vicinity of Phoenix, Scottsdale and Prescott, Arizona.Engagement ring advice?
Mine is 3/8 carat white gold from ShaneCo %26amp; was $850 (we didn't pay sales tax since we ordered online, %26amp; there isn't a store in our state). I love it -it's the perfect size for my hand %26amp; isn't gaudy. It also comes with a lifetime guarantee, and if you decide to ';upgrade'; later, they'll give you the entire purchase price toward the new ring.
There's a ShaneCo in Scottsdale - browse their website %26amp; check out some options. Take her with you - you can also call them ahead of time, let them know your budget, and they'll work with you to find something she likes.
I've had nothing but good experiences with ShaneCo - I'll continue to buy from them. They even have an online chat option, so when I've had paranoid questions about my ring they're right there to answer them!Engagement ring advice?
You can get quite a sparkler for that amount of money. Remember you will also have to buy a wedding band -
http://www.samuelsjewelers.com/samuels/p鈥?/a>
http://www.kay.com/webapp/wcs/stores/ser鈥?/a>
http://www.kay.com/webapp/wcs/stores/ser鈥?/a>
For pink stones, pink diamonds are out of your reach, sorry. There are simulated stones you can get, but your best bet would be a pink sapphire, or pink topaz. I have a dress ring with a pink topaz with diamond shoulder stones, which would make a lovely engagement ring.
Here are some ideas -
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_jw/103鈥?/a>
Since she is not going to be surprised to receive a ring, have her shop for it with you. Everyone here gave good suggestions- but forget about a pink diamond, it's way out of your range.
Another suggestion, if you want to get a pink stone in somewhere- my engagement ring is diamonds, but my wedding band is diamonds and blue sapphires. Perhaps you can work pink sapphires into your wedding band, if it doesn't work out with the engagement ring. I get tons of compliments on my ring, because it is a little bit different.
For that price range, if you want a diamond you should really shop at a low-end jewelry store like Zales or Kay's... you can find larger (albeit low-grade) diamonds there. Otherwise I would do my best to convince her that diamonds are so cliche and go with an alternative stone, or better yet a high quality fake. You know, the price of diamonds are artificially high and controlled so don't feel too bad about getting a diamond imitation. Whatever you do, try not to go under a carat... it's tacky and no matter what anyone tells you, it does matter, and other women do notice... its just not polite to admit we care.
Your budget is reasonable. You'll be able to find a good ring.
Since you've already proposed, I would strongly recommend taking your girlfriend with you to buy the ring. Since you will be combining finances soon anyway, you can discuss the budget and talk about what she wants. She might not want a pink diamond, or she might not want diamonds at all. Although you may know certain things about her preferences, it is likely that she has opinions she has not yet shared -- or perhaps can't even put into words because she has an idea in her head.
Ask her if she wants it to be a surprise. If she doesn't, then definitely make her part of the process. You'll feel bad if you spend your money on characteristics that are expensive, but not important to her -- while accidentally overlooking the characteristics she cares about.
Good luck!
Take your fiance with you shopping for the ring, remember she'll be wearing it the rest of her life.
My fiance got my ring for about $750 and makes $75 payments on the ring until it's paid off. Find something that you both agree upon.
Congrats.
I keep seeing nice rings at costco like
http://www.costco.com/Browse/Product.asp鈥?/a>
there were a ton more in the stores inclusing a gorgeous tanzanite stunner with 2 nice size diamonds next to it, it was platinum or white gold and somewhere around $1300.. I still don't have my ring (we are buying a house and I'd rather get the new deck first!) and thought about asking for this one.
If your smart you will take her with you to look around. try buying a diamond you like from an estate sale or a good rock at a pawn shop then get a new setting for it. remember this, a diamond is an investment and the cheaper you can get it the more you can spend on a better size. don't rush to make a purchase make a sensible choice. I didnt notice you were so close to vegas, probably the best pawn shops in the world for jewelery. study up know what your doing.
Well with that price range you wont get a very big diamond. I'd say about a 1/4 of a carrot which is kinda small. I would definitely go w/the white gold. And just remember you can always upgrade the ring on your anniversary!
Congrats!!
First congrats !
For your price you can have a lovel diamond ring. If you build your own engagement ring, (a solitaire for example) you can find white gold ring for $200-300, so you can grab a really nice diamond with that.
A moderate size is fine, some people will tell you should at least get a 1 carat diamond, that's wrong, it can be big but not so clear, well cut and colorless, it could also look like a golf ball on a little and slim finger.
Of course the quality of it will depend of the criterias. Check the link below for some diamond education and a guide to learn how to build your ring online. It's really easy, fast and secure. The top stores listed in the last link are just great.
I don't know Arizona and as I suggest, design your own engagement ring online. You will choose exactly the style of you band and diamond.
Kohls and JCPenny have sales right now on all jewlry.
You can get a ring that normally costs 1,000 for 490 at this very moment. I was browsing today.
Check their websites first, and then go into the store and physically look at it.
I would say this is your best bet for your price range... and they are still really nice rings.
If you really want to be awesome though... bluenile.com
they offer only certified diamonds, and you can choose the color and grading.
And make sure you are familiar with CT weight before you try shopping online. so you understand the size of the peice you are getting.
As far as understand the options of the ring, color, cut, clraity, ect... go to blue nile and look at their descriptions of what each catagory means... useful information regardless of where you buy from.
NEW: 1 CT certified solitare on my jewelry box.com for 1.800
certified at 7,000.
my boyfriend bought (for about 1500)
1/2 carat round cut white diamond
ideal cut
G colour,
VS2 clarity
with a platinum band with a four prong setting
it cam from blue nile, and it was appraised by an independent jeweler at twice the cost of what he paid for it!
the diamond came certified and they have a money back guarantee, we will also buy the matching wedding bands there.
SERIOUSLY, at least look at their site! They also have setting with pink sapphires, but I think a pink diamond might be out of you price range, but they offer some fancy coloured stones, so you could give it a browse.
Try Zales...they have really pretty rings there. They have sales too, so you can get a nice ring for a great price.
www.zales.com
Congratulations on the engagement!!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Need Advice about my relationship,should I marry my fiance or end our engagement??
I'm stuggling on whether or not to marry my fiance or to just end our engagement. Lately I have been unhappy with the fact that he is still friends with his ex girlfriend. He has known her for quite some time. He dated her for 2 yrs and lived with her. He has told me that he speaks to her maybe twice a year, and that he is not willing to end that friendship with her. Keep in mind she is married and when he told her we were engaged she started crying to him over the phone instead of saying congrats. To me that seemed kind of wierd, but my fiance told me she was crying because she lost one of her other guy friends who passed on recently. Anyway, my fiance said to me that our relationship will not work out if I can't accept that he is friends with her. That just made me feel like she must be more important than me if he is willing to lose me for her. I told him that I don't believe in being friends with ex's. I'm totally against bringing old flames into our marriage. He seems to disagree and is not understanding or nuturing me. He just says I'm too snoopy. My fiance and I agree on pretty much everything else except for this subject. I just feel like I can't be happy if he continues to talk to an ex. She may be a friend now, but back then she was more. I guess I feel I will never be the only woman in his life. I could use some advice in helping me make my decision. Thanx for taking the time to read my posting.Need Advice about my relationship,should I marry my fiance or end our engagement??
Marriage is built on trust. If you can't trust him to TALK to her TWICE A YEAR, you don't have even basic trust...why are you so jealous when it is so infrequent...sounds to me like this is your issue more than his....I don't know why he would make this a deal breaker unless he feels you are too controlling and jealous on lots of issues not just this one and this is where he is choosing to make his point.Need Advice about my relationship,should I marry my fiance or end our engagement??
Anything that is bothering you now is only going to become more of an area of conflict after you are married. If this is a serious issue for you you really do need to consider postponing your marriage to this person. On some level you are not comfortable with the idea of marrying him, and you should listen to that instinct unless you are ready to simply accept his relationship with his ex. Clearly he does not intend to change his views. If you are not ready to break off completely you may want to suggest some time apart from each other with the understanding that you may or may not return to your current relationship after that time period.
Hi
If there is any doubt in your mind . . then dont do it - you need to be 100% certain he is right for you before you marry him. If you get married and things go wrong you will kick yourself for being such a fool as to marry someone you clearly do not trust. Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings good luck.
You have something to come to terms with. His friendship with her isn't essentially more important than you. BUT letting your ultimatums change his life is more important.
I can be friends with who I want, and my fiancee will not question me. Likewise, she has her friends. We also have our common friends. But lets face it, because I don't like a few of her friends, doesn't mean I would tell her not to see them.
Because he has a past with her, doesn't change the fact that they are now friends. You can't just end other people's friendships.
i wouldn't get married just yet if i were you. i wouldn't end my engagement either.
you and your fiance have got to solve this little problem. apparently, his friendship with this particular ex is very important to him. and apparently too, you feel strongly about wanting to end the friendship between the two of them. i don't see this issue going away, only getting bigger once you get married.
can you not try to trust him and believe that he's found a best friend in his ex. it happens. for other people, though not for you.
if you and he cannot come to an agreement, well, maybe you guys should seriously rethink your engagement.
If this issue is enough to consider ending your engagement over, then you should not be getting married. Trust is the most important aspect of a relationship and you clearly don't trust him.
Yes, as you say ';back then she was more,'; but their relationship ended for a reason and he is with you now. She is his past and you are his future, but only if you can move on and let this small trust issue go.
Good Luck.
it sounds to me like he is really enjoying this... 2 women... what a inconsiderate person he is. that tells you he's too immature for marriage. it seems he cant get past the relationship stage. if he truly loved you he would not do this fully knowing it hurts you. wow, just think...after you get married, what's next... maybe even another woman on the side. i'd tell him you need some time to yourself and have decided you too have different feelings and would like more time away from him so sort things out, then go out with some other guy/friend and he'll feel how it hurts and if he doesn't seem to have a problem with it then you know he's playing you and is deffinitely not ready for a lifetime committment. i'd be miserable if my husband treated me like that... he deffinitely put her before you...naughty...naughty!
good luck...you still have time to enjoy yourself without him so start now.
WOW, My heart goes out to you, I am sorry for what he is putting you thru, and I can't agree more that you don't have an open door relationship with an ex, he needs to relize that you are apart of his life not her, and she moved on and got married so she closed that door and now he needs to the same, he needs to relize that he can't have both, I would talk to him about it and then suggest some professional help, you can get over this but he needs to support you. Good Luck and have a Merry Christmas.this works makeup hair
Marriage is built on trust. If you can't trust him to TALK to her TWICE A YEAR, you don't have even basic trust...why are you so jealous when it is so infrequent...sounds to me like this is your issue more than his....I don't know why he would make this a deal breaker unless he feels you are too controlling and jealous on lots of issues not just this one and this is where he is choosing to make his point.Need Advice about my relationship,should I marry my fiance or end our engagement??
Anything that is bothering you now is only going to become more of an area of conflict after you are married. If this is a serious issue for you you really do need to consider postponing your marriage to this person. On some level you are not comfortable with the idea of marrying him, and you should listen to that instinct unless you are ready to simply accept his relationship with his ex. Clearly he does not intend to change his views. If you are not ready to break off completely you may want to suggest some time apart from each other with the understanding that you may or may not return to your current relationship after that time period.
Hi
If there is any doubt in your mind . . then dont do it - you need to be 100% certain he is right for you before you marry him. If you get married and things go wrong you will kick yourself for being such a fool as to marry someone you clearly do not trust. Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings good luck.
You have something to come to terms with. His friendship with her isn't essentially more important than you. BUT letting your ultimatums change his life is more important.
I can be friends with who I want, and my fiancee will not question me. Likewise, she has her friends. We also have our common friends. But lets face it, because I don't like a few of her friends, doesn't mean I would tell her not to see them.
Because he has a past with her, doesn't change the fact that they are now friends. You can't just end other people's friendships.
i wouldn't get married just yet if i were you. i wouldn't end my engagement either.
you and your fiance have got to solve this little problem. apparently, his friendship with this particular ex is very important to him. and apparently too, you feel strongly about wanting to end the friendship between the two of them. i don't see this issue going away, only getting bigger once you get married.
can you not try to trust him and believe that he's found a best friend in his ex. it happens. for other people, though not for you.
if you and he cannot come to an agreement, well, maybe you guys should seriously rethink your engagement.
If this issue is enough to consider ending your engagement over, then you should not be getting married. Trust is the most important aspect of a relationship and you clearly don't trust him.
Yes, as you say ';back then she was more,'; but their relationship ended for a reason and he is with you now. She is his past and you are his future, but only if you can move on and let this small trust issue go.
Good Luck.
it sounds to me like he is really enjoying this... 2 women... what a inconsiderate person he is. that tells you he's too immature for marriage. it seems he cant get past the relationship stage. if he truly loved you he would not do this fully knowing it hurts you. wow, just think...after you get married, what's next... maybe even another woman on the side. i'd tell him you need some time to yourself and have decided you too have different feelings and would like more time away from him so sort things out, then go out with some other guy/friend and he'll feel how it hurts and if he doesn't seem to have a problem with it then you know he's playing you and is deffinitely not ready for a lifetime committment. i'd be miserable if my husband treated me like that... he deffinitely put her before you...naughty...naughty!
good luck...you still have time to enjoy yourself without him so start now.
WOW, My heart goes out to you, I am sorry for what he is putting you thru, and I can't agree more that you don't have an open door relationship with an ex, he needs to relize that you are apart of his life not her, and she moved on and got married so she closed that door and now he needs to the same, he needs to relize that he can't have both, I would talk to him about it and then suggest some professional help, you can get over this but he needs to support you. Good Luck and have a Merry Christmas.
I had a broken engagement. Guy was not ready, now we are back 2 gether 3 yrs later. Dad is mad. Advice?
He is taking it out on my other family members. He does not trust the guy(rightly so) but how can I get him to understand it is my life and I want to try to make this work and for him to please support me instead of being pissed about it? He is seriously pissed.I had a broken engagement. Guy was not ready, now we are back 2 gether 3 yrs later. Dad is mad. Advice?
as far as i'm concirned if your sure that this is the bloke that you want to be with you need to tell your dad this aswell as saying its your choice as to what you do and that its not him that has to live with it, its you.
as far as i'm concirned if your sure that this is the bloke that you want to be with you need to tell your dad this aswell as saying its your choice as to what you do and that its not him that has to live with it, its you.
Advices needed for an engagement photo shoot.?
I'm a learning photographer and will be taking engagement photos soon. I would like to take it outdoors and preferable candid photos.
It will be in Portland, OR - any suggestions on location?
And what if it rains???
Last, any good professional website to develop the photos?
Help!Advices needed for an engagement photo shoot.?
Hmmm, unfortunately I don't know portland so it's hard to recommend specific sites.
Are there any local landmarks? How about a beach? Commercial Gardens? Area's w/ interesting architecture that the client would like as a backdrop?
As for the rain, choose another day if it rains. Not much can be done about it unfortunately... unless you can use one of those instant up tarps/canopies and shoot w/out showing it.
Alternatively find an indoor location again w/ interesting architecture but make sure it's a public area or if it isnt ask permission before shooting there.
HTH.Advices needed for an engagement photo shoot.?
Engagement photo shoot? Never heard of such a thing. Good market for that sort of thing?
I got mugged in downtown Portland in 1982. Not pleasant.
Hope for rain or overcast! That will give you the best, even, balanced light. A park, grand government building, garden, etc. are all good choices.
Be honest, are you up to this? Sounds like important pictures.
It will be in Portland, OR - any suggestions on location?
And what if it rains???
Last, any good professional website to develop the photos?
Help!Advices needed for an engagement photo shoot.?
Hmmm, unfortunately I don't know portland so it's hard to recommend specific sites.
Are there any local landmarks? How about a beach? Commercial Gardens? Area's w/ interesting architecture that the client would like as a backdrop?
As for the rain, choose another day if it rains. Not much can be done about it unfortunately... unless you can use one of those instant up tarps/canopies and shoot w/out showing it.
Alternatively find an indoor location again w/ interesting architecture but make sure it's a public area or if it isnt ask permission before shooting there.
HTH.Advices needed for an engagement photo shoot.?
Engagement photo shoot? Never heard of such a thing. Good market for that sort of thing?
I got mugged in downtown Portland in 1982. Not pleasant.
Hope for rain or overcast! That will give you the best, even, balanced light. A park, grand government building, garden, etc. are all good choices.
Be honest, are you up to this? Sounds like important pictures.
I need relationship advice again...my boyfriend refused to commit with an engagement.?
Ok, here it goes. My boyfriend and I have known each other for years. We have been seriously dating for over 2 years now. He is 29 and I am 25. We have talked about getting married and he easily says that he wants to get married. A few weeks ago we went ring shoppping so that I could show him some styles I might like. To my surprise he put a deposit down on a ring! A really expensive ring.... I only thought we were looking so I was having fun picking out all sorts of stuff. After we get in the car he announces that he put a deposit down and he thinks maybe he shouldn't have....he then makes me go back to the store alone to pick out something less expensive or get his money back!!!! I was mortified. He couldn't even handle his own business.
Then today he states that he would rather buy a house than buy me an engagement ring, I understand wanting a house BUT I do not want to move in with him without and engagement or promise of marriage. I do not want to pay half of HIS mortgage and will not put my name on anything with his until we are married. I'm not stupid. I could end up with nothing. I can't take it anymore. He is back and forth and I am so frustrated. What is his deal? And to top it all off he moved in with another girl ( a sister of one of his friends) he really sugar coated it to make it sound like he was saving money but come to find out he pays more than I do for rent! He also told me this girl was older than him and getting engaged any day now. I found out she was younger and she and her ';serious boyfriend'; have only been together for 6 months and are no where near getting engaged! Could someone PLEASE decode this behavior for me? I am at the end of my rope. I finally told him I am giving him until the end of my current lease (10 more months) for him to make a serious comittment (i.e. engagement) or I am done. End of story.I need relationship advice again...my boyfriend refused to commit with an engagement.?
Well, to start off, I'm 29 and just got married this last summer so I am at the level you two are at. I think you did the right thing by telling him he has to commit, but I think 10 months is too long of a time frame. A lot can happen in 10 months. He for sure is afraid of commitment, but he showed that in a very bad way. I couldn't imagine sending my wife back in to pick out another ring or get my money back. He should have kept his mouth shut and went back with out you to get the money. You probably did, but you didn't write it here.......You did sit him down and ask him why right? Ask him, was it the price, the ring, or the commitment that made you change your mind? If it was the price then we can work on that. I don't need to have the most expensive ring I just want to be with you.
Now what also waves a red flag is the fact that he moved in with this girl. That is soooooo wrong. I hate to share this with you but, I moved in with a girl that I didn't think anything would happen and it did. She had a boyfriend and I was inbetween relationships.
Not only that, but he lied to you. Once again I would sit him down and get some answers. I would give him a shorter time frame and say look it's either the house or me. DON'T buy a house with him.
Sorry you have to go through this........I need relationship advice again...my boyfriend refused to commit with an engagement.?
Hey, you've got a few issues going on at the moment so I'm going to tackle them one by one although clearly some things influence others. Firstly, the ring issue is a fairly small one as far as I'm concerned. If he's agreed to get married but you feel it's not official enough, do something about it yourself. Did you pick out a cheaper ring? If so, I'm sure you'll be getting it some time soon. If his issue is really about money, why don't you get a cheap ring for you/necklace for him/nothing at all and propose to him yourself? Set it out nicely and phrase it as knowing he's committed to you is more important than the trinkets that show it. This will get a straight answer out of him I'm sure. I personally have a 拢40 ring from Argos as a token that I'm taken, I think the dramatic gestures and giant rocks are for guys who are unsure of the response they'll get, your bf may well see it as a waste of money. Once couples have discussed it seriously and both say they wish to get married, I don't see why it matters who 'officially proposes' to who.
Even if you're not engaged, you can still get ajoint mortgage with your name on it. This means that if he doesn't keep up with his payments you have the right to have the property split between you (either completely sell and split the cash or one of you gets half the cash and the other keeps the house). Clearly this is not ideal but it's a similar amount of protection you'd get if you were married as well. Talk to a banker as well, they'd talk you through the terms and conditions.
I'm not too sure what's happening with this girl he lives with. He might just enjoy her company and lied to you to 'avoid freaking you out'. Not a good excuse really. I don't think you think he's cheating (and you'd know better than me) so the only reason I can think of is that it's a light, fluffy, responsibilty-free arrangement. You guys, after two years, are considering marriage and buying a house together. Huge! Have you considered alternatives to make the transition slower? Get engaged and just live together in a rented place for a while to see how you mesh? Something that I'm not 100% sure of but your citizen's advice bureau can help you with: If you lend money to somebody with a contract you can claim all of that back in court if you need to. As I say, seek assistance with this one but it could be an option to let him deal with a mortgage on his own and you just lend him your share protected by a contract, so if all turns sour you can get it back.
I think he may be spazzing out as it suddenly hit him that two years ago he was housesharing, had a lovely girlfriend and life was easy breezy. Now he's looking 30 in the face, is being talked to about marriage and mortgages, two of the biggest commitments ever, and seems to be taking refuge in a safe situation. His friend's sister who has a serious boyfriend is of no threat, he probably knows her pretty well, he's trying to slow down the pace of your relationship. If I was in your position I'd see how he really felt about stuff, where exactly his problem lies (Fear of committing to an engagement? Money worries? Feels he wants to commit but feels two years together isn't enough?) Get all these issues out into the open with him so you can sort them out together. I would also lay off on giving him a deadline out loud for now as it'll increase the pressure he's under. Keep it in your mind though so if his behaviour hasn't changed in that length of time you can bring it up again, emphasise how serious you are, and then make the decisions you have to make.
Then today he states that he would rather buy a house than buy me an engagement ring, I understand wanting a house BUT I do not want to move in with him without and engagement or promise of marriage. I do not want to pay half of HIS mortgage and will not put my name on anything with his until we are married. I'm not stupid. I could end up with nothing. I can't take it anymore. He is back and forth and I am so frustrated. What is his deal? And to top it all off he moved in with another girl ( a sister of one of his friends) he really sugar coated it to make it sound like he was saving money but come to find out he pays more than I do for rent! He also told me this girl was older than him and getting engaged any day now. I found out she was younger and she and her ';serious boyfriend'; have only been together for 6 months and are no where near getting engaged! Could someone PLEASE decode this behavior for me? I am at the end of my rope. I finally told him I am giving him until the end of my current lease (10 more months) for him to make a serious comittment (i.e. engagement) or I am done. End of story.I need relationship advice again...my boyfriend refused to commit with an engagement.?
Well, to start off, I'm 29 and just got married this last summer so I am at the level you two are at. I think you did the right thing by telling him he has to commit, but I think 10 months is too long of a time frame. A lot can happen in 10 months. He for sure is afraid of commitment, but he showed that in a very bad way. I couldn't imagine sending my wife back in to pick out another ring or get my money back. He should have kept his mouth shut and went back with out you to get the money. You probably did, but you didn't write it here.......You did sit him down and ask him why right? Ask him, was it the price, the ring, or the commitment that made you change your mind? If it was the price then we can work on that. I don't need to have the most expensive ring I just want to be with you.
Now what also waves a red flag is the fact that he moved in with this girl. That is soooooo wrong. I hate to share this with you but, I moved in with a girl that I didn't think anything would happen and it did. She had a boyfriend and I was inbetween relationships.
Not only that, but he lied to you. Once again I would sit him down and get some answers. I would give him a shorter time frame and say look it's either the house or me. DON'T buy a house with him.
Sorry you have to go through this........I need relationship advice again...my boyfriend refused to commit with an engagement.?
Hey, you've got a few issues going on at the moment so I'm going to tackle them one by one although clearly some things influence others. Firstly, the ring issue is a fairly small one as far as I'm concerned. If he's agreed to get married but you feel it's not official enough, do something about it yourself. Did you pick out a cheaper ring? If so, I'm sure you'll be getting it some time soon. If his issue is really about money, why don't you get a cheap ring for you/necklace for him/nothing at all and propose to him yourself? Set it out nicely and phrase it as knowing he's committed to you is more important than the trinkets that show it. This will get a straight answer out of him I'm sure. I personally have a 拢40 ring from Argos as a token that I'm taken, I think the dramatic gestures and giant rocks are for guys who are unsure of the response they'll get, your bf may well see it as a waste of money. Once couples have discussed it seriously and both say they wish to get married, I don't see why it matters who 'officially proposes' to who.
Even if you're not engaged, you can still get ajoint mortgage with your name on it. This means that if he doesn't keep up with his payments you have the right to have the property split between you (either completely sell and split the cash or one of you gets half the cash and the other keeps the house). Clearly this is not ideal but it's a similar amount of protection you'd get if you were married as well. Talk to a banker as well, they'd talk you through the terms and conditions.
I'm not too sure what's happening with this girl he lives with. He might just enjoy her company and lied to you to 'avoid freaking you out'. Not a good excuse really. I don't think you think he's cheating (and you'd know better than me) so the only reason I can think of is that it's a light, fluffy, responsibilty-free arrangement. You guys, after two years, are considering marriage and buying a house together. Huge! Have you considered alternatives to make the transition slower? Get engaged and just live together in a rented place for a while to see how you mesh? Something that I'm not 100% sure of but your citizen's advice bureau can help you with: If you lend money to somebody with a contract you can claim all of that back in court if you need to. As I say, seek assistance with this one but it could be an option to let him deal with a mortgage on his own and you just lend him your share protected by a contract, so if all turns sour you can get it back.
I think he may be spazzing out as it suddenly hit him that two years ago he was housesharing, had a lovely girlfriend and life was easy breezy. Now he's looking 30 in the face, is being talked to about marriage and mortgages, two of the biggest commitments ever, and seems to be taking refuge in a safe situation. His friend's sister who has a serious boyfriend is of no threat, he probably knows her pretty well, he's trying to slow down the pace of your relationship. If I was in your position I'd see how he really felt about stuff, where exactly his problem lies (Fear of committing to an engagement? Money worries? Feels he wants to commit but feels two years together isn't enough?) Get all these issues out into the open with him so you can sort them out together. I would also lay off on giving him a deadline out loud for now as it'll increase the pressure he's under. Keep it in your mind though so if his behaviour hasn't changed in that length of time you can bring it up again, emphasise how serious you are, and then make the decisions you have to make.
Bare with me, I know this is long....my BF is shopping for engagement rings, but I'm stuck and NEED ADVICE!!?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 8 years now. We've had our ups and downs like every relationship - sometimes we have a blast together and sometimes we dislike each other. I've currently run into a situation regarding my relationship and I'm having a difficult time making a decision and could really use some good advice...
Some important background information is necessary. So about five years ago or three years into the relationship, I found inappropriate conversations and e-mails trying to meet up with people that he had met in online chat rooms. I confronted him, multiple times, about all the things I found and he denied it was him at first, and then he promised never to do it again. He told me it was an outlet in which he could be himself without being judged. Ok, his mistake, maybe he had a hard time opening up intimately 鈥?I understand it鈥檚 difficult to trust people in that way. I know he loved me and would never actually go through with it, so I took his word and moved on.
Fast-forward to present time - eight years into our relationship or five years since the previously discussed scandal. I found him searching craigslist erotic services for all types of **** - men, women, trannies, orgies, etc. He's even responded to a few ads while I was at work 鈥?saying that he was available and asking if he could meet up with these people. I don't have any hard core evidence implying that he's actually met up with anyone or not. I鈥檝e been monitoring his actions for the past few months and he鈥檚 still browsing every once in a while. I know I have to confront him, but I feel like I need more hard evidence so he can鈥檛 lie to my face. I also feel like I need more hard evidence to justify my leaving the relationships. I鈥檓 just not sure what evidence I am looking for or when I鈥檒l get enough evidence to make a decision.
I've tried to get him to talk about any possible fantasies he might have and try to get him to open up sexually to me, but he never mentions any crazy things he wants to try. I mean, we probably have as much sex as every other healthy couple, so it's not like he's deprived. He JUST recently (in the past six months or so) opened up and started talking about masturbating, but only because I pressed the issue.
I am furious and upset and am not sure what to do. I know the easy answer is to leave him, but I feel like I've invested so much time and energy into this relationship. I know he has issues with poor self esteem so I kind of feel bad just leaving without trying to work through this with him. I feel like I owe it to him to try and help him through his issues. How do I determine if I should leave it or try to save it? I just don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 any trust left. I just feel like I gave him a second chance before 鈥?if I give him another chance this time, who鈥檚 to say he won鈥檛 do it again?Bare with me, I know this is long....my BF is shopping for engagement rings, but I'm stuck and NEED ADVICE!!?
You said it all when you said you have so much invested in this relationship that you don't feel it is easy to just leave. However,
the truth is, whether you are shopping for engagement rings or not, this man is not ready to commit his life to you. He secretly has other ideas, and my guess is that the two times you caught him searching for outside fantasies were not the only two times he did it.
You asked how you determine how you decide to stay or go. The first thing you do is you stop being sentimental about the things that are good, and then you take a real, hard look at the things that are warning signs or are bothersome. Were these behaviors to continue over and over again, could you live like that? For example, my husband, brace yourself, picks his toenails when he watches tv. Disgusting, gross, I've asked for 20 years that he not do that in front of me or he at least use a clipper to trim his toenails. NO luck. He still does it. I hate it. Is it worth leaving over? No. If he were trolling for outside sex over and over...well, that I could not live with.
Look at the relationship as a whole. Does he respect you in other ways, or do you feel second best? Does being with him make you the best person you can be? Are you free and unencumbered in this relationship, are you both better together than apart, or is this doubt about that?
Are there warning signs that he can not be trusted? Secret email accounts, protective of blackberry, time missing from his schedule?
Good luck.Bare with me, I know this is long....my BF is shopping for engagement rings, but I'm stuck and NEED ADVICE!!?
He's meeting them. What evidence do you need, to contract HIV? I think your boyfriend is a sex addict. Dr, Phil has info on his website...you might look at it.
If you feel like you have to check up on him constantly and you do not trust him, do not marry him.
This situation would really pizz me the hell off.......no good at all....
Leave do you really want to wait another few years till you catch him in the act or worse he gives you an STD
RUN
what is it like, to look in the mirror and see a person that's good enough to be someone's GF, but never good enough to be that same person's wife?
8 years?
who are we crappin'?
I am pissed, because I did read the whole thing when you could've just made it simple.
If he has met up from anyone off CL do you think you would know?
Do you think he would be honest enough with you?
Do you think if he like it in the rear, he'd tell you?
Come on, now, you are being naive.
For me, personally any ways... It would not matter if he/she did it or has followed through at this point. I'd kick them out of my life.
Because I don't deserve to have to think/ wonder or second guess myself about issues like this. THAT SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED ONCE.
And yours has happened twice.
The only real way you will ever know the truth is if you put one of those computer tracers in your computer that sends every email made on and out of the computer into a secret email account.
And putting one of those cameras at home, and a device into the home phone, as well in his cell phone
Also, if you have a private eye, that spends the next month following him around,
Only then will you have some of the truth.
But you will always have doubt. stress, and trust concerns.
Best of luck
he has a sexual addiction that will not change, he will eventually force you into accepting (manipulating) and continue this behavior, i'm not sure if professional help will help some people don't see it as a problem . Live with it or end the relationship there is no grey area.
Walk away. I know that it's easier said than done. Ask him to seek the help that he needs and when he has accomplished that allow him slowly back into your life if you have not moved on yourself. Good luck.
You don't need evidence to justify leaving. If you don't want to be in the relationship, that's all the justification that you need.
To me, it sounds like your boyfriend is either sexually curious- like that of an inexperienced person who's looking to see what's out there- or he's sexually confused. I'm not saying he's gay/bi or even curious about it, although he could be. But he certainly is thinking about sexual satisfaction that he may feel, others would find abnormal. Clearly, he thinks that you're one of those people who would find him abnormal and he values your opinion of him to the point of where he doesn't want to disappoint you.
I've seen some of the posts on CL and I know exactly which kinds you're talking about. Some of them would entice a person who's curious because of the anonymous posting factor associated with a site like CL. Coming from the wife of a man who is an absolute freak- in the sexual sense- I would suggest that you not give up on your relationship unless what your boyfriend is seeking out, offends you. With my husband, he knows there is nothing that would offend me or that I would look at him funny for. Therefore, he's not ashamed to suggest anything or talk about his feelings. It is possible that your boyfriend feels that you may judge him and therefore don't wanna share his feelings with you. Even if you say you won't, it's hard to reveal something to someone you love when you don't know how they'll react. Keep the lines of communication open and don't be afraid to ask direct questions. If you know that your boyfriend has been looking at some weird **** on CL, you go to that post to see what it's about, and directly ask him if he's interested- but only what you're willing to try. If you go to him with what you know and reassure him that you'll love him regardless, and you be the one to initiate conversation about it, he may feel comfortable enough to be forthright about it.
Let me get this straight, do you feel that because you've been with him for 8 years you HAVE to marry him? If you marry him he's got it made. Do what he wants and you won't go anywhere.
Seriously, get your big girl panties on and dump him. If you don't you will be sick the day you come home @ lunch and find him in bed with a man.
Why do you owe him a second chance? It's a second chance to screw you over. Man! I can't believe anyone would actually consider a third chance on this.
I think that you answered your own question. you owe it to yourself first. if you feel the need to check behind him and you don't trust him then how do you think this will be a healthy marriage. he is in search of something and unless he talks to you, there is nothing you can do. you need to decide if you want to live like this or move on. he might change, but not now. or it might get worst. think about your happiness first. if he wants help he will seek it, but you can't force him to do anything. reality is that he might have already meet up with some people from the web. protect yourself sexually.
That's a tough situation.
It sounds like he has some sexual issues that need to be worked through. I mean, 8 years and he's just now talking about masturbating? In my opinion, masturbating is very normal and everyone does it. Yet, he's treated it like it is some sort of deviant behavior...
Okay, this is what I would do: I would straight up tell him that I know what he's been doing. And that I am seriously thinking about leaving him, and if he wants to preserve the relationship, he needs to go see a therapist and maybe the two of you need to see a sex therapist.
Make it very clear that you won't tolerate any lies or trying to get out of it. And be prepared to follow through. If he says ';no way,'; you have to leave. If he sees a therapist twice and never again, you have to leave.
Good Luck!
Whatever his thing is, it's part of how he is made.
He may never share it with you because he can't.
But neither can he give it up.
You will have to either call it quits, or accept that he will always have a sexual side that he doesn't share...and that it may feature cheating.
Try to give him one more chance, But I have to say, I know a girl who post ad's on erotic services on craigslist. She has MANY MANY married men that come to her and pay her between $100-$200 each time just for sex or a simple ********, I think it's the craziest thing I'v ever heard of in my life!! It's a good thing you found out because many women are clueless about craigslist. Have you checked his cell phone call logs to see if he's actually talked to any of these women?
P.S. I wouldn't take it personal about the tranny thing? Because I look on there and laugh at those postings? So maybe that's what he's doing? I really don't know, Just an idea.
Leaving is not the easy answer, ITS THE ONLY ANSWER! How can you marry a man you CAN'T trust and who DOESN't trust YOU?!
You stayed with a guy who lied to you about trying to meet others for sex. He first lied and THEN admitted to it. He is also very secretive about EVERYTHING IN HIS LIFE. He gets mad at you, if you get your hands on his cell phone?! He won't talk to you about sex or fantasies?!
Everything you mentioned in your statement, ARE HUGE RED FLAGS. I'm not sure why you kept dating him. Your BF is up to something and not telling you the truth. All of what you just stated supports this.
I'll tell you how my relationship works: My BF and I have nothing to hide, so no cells, e-mail accounts, facebook or myspace pages are under lock and key, he knows how to steal all the money out of my bank account, if he really wanted. If a person calls late at night (my friends do that a lot) I make sure he knows who called and why.
But, my BF and I, TRUST each other. We talk about our days, nights, friends, sex, life, etc. together. He would NEVER keep his cell phone or bill from being seen by me.
It sounds like your BF has not been telling you the truth, FOR A WHILE! He is hiding things from you, because he feels what he is doing is wrong, and that only makes things worse.
NO TRUST = NO RELATIONSHIP!
MY ADVICE IS TO LEAVE HIM AND STOP LISTENNING TO HIS LIES, BECAUSE MARRIAGE ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE HIM, IT WILL ONLY MAKE YOUR LIFE WORSE. You don't want to be the woman who finds out, AFTER SHE GETS MARRIED, that her husband is gay or has been having an affair for years.
Sounds like it was 8 years you could have been with someone that wasnt always going to be sneaky and lie. Its good that you tried to work it out or understand that he has self esteem problems but knowing he is wanting to or trying to meet people for orgies and all is a red flag if it was carried out by him or not. Knowing all this and still staying is just an excuse to think one day he will change to what you think he will be and he is not going to.
Unless your ok with him looking up that stuff then why ask, you know it and are still with him.
It may seem weird but move on. You will then look back (when your with someone that will make you happy, etc) and think why did you waste your time.
A man will NOT change just because you are married. I know you've invested a lot of time into this relationship, but it won't be worth it in the long run when you catch him doing it again and again. End it now and save yourself the pain down the road.
hmmmmm
i say talk to him about everything let him know how much this is all bothering you and if he will ever be able to stop
he may feel sick for having certain fantasies and doesnt want to share them with you and thats fine as long as they stay fantasies
you dont owe him anything but 8 years is a long time
go buy the love dare book give it the 40 days and then see how things are there
You have tried for eight years, and he has broken a promise to respect the boundaries you have set out. Obviously, he needs some sort of therapy to deal with his issues of intimacy and feelings of lack of self-worth. Maybe you should separate for a time, and allow him to work on himself. Otherwise, this problem will get worse!
You probably can't prove that he met up with someone but you know for a fact that he tried to initiate some meetings. If you know this then there is nothing he can say to change that. If he lies about it then you know right then and there it is over. You need to confront him about this sooner rather than later before this goes any further.
You do not owe it to him to work through the problems, but if after 8 years he's doing the same things then this is who he is. Respect that or move on. If you want to work through with it, then do so for yourself but don't lie to yourself about it either: trying to convince yourself he's something he's not.
Some important background information is necessary. So about five years ago or three years into the relationship, I found inappropriate conversations and e-mails trying to meet up with people that he had met in online chat rooms. I confronted him, multiple times, about all the things I found and he denied it was him at first, and then he promised never to do it again. He told me it was an outlet in which he could be himself without being judged. Ok, his mistake, maybe he had a hard time opening up intimately 鈥?I understand it鈥檚 difficult to trust people in that way. I know he loved me and would never actually go through with it, so I took his word and moved on.
Fast-forward to present time - eight years into our relationship or five years since the previously discussed scandal. I found him searching craigslist erotic services for all types of **** - men, women, trannies, orgies, etc. He's even responded to a few ads while I was at work 鈥?saying that he was available and asking if he could meet up with these people. I don't have any hard core evidence implying that he's actually met up with anyone or not. I鈥檝e been monitoring his actions for the past few months and he鈥檚 still browsing every once in a while. I know I have to confront him, but I feel like I need more hard evidence so he can鈥檛 lie to my face. I also feel like I need more hard evidence to justify my leaving the relationships. I鈥檓 just not sure what evidence I am looking for or when I鈥檒l get enough evidence to make a decision.
I've tried to get him to talk about any possible fantasies he might have and try to get him to open up sexually to me, but he never mentions any crazy things he wants to try. I mean, we probably have as much sex as every other healthy couple, so it's not like he's deprived. He JUST recently (in the past six months or so) opened up and started talking about masturbating, but only because I pressed the issue.
I am furious and upset and am not sure what to do. I know the easy answer is to leave him, but I feel like I've invested so much time and energy into this relationship. I know he has issues with poor self esteem so I kind of feel bad just leaving without trying to work through this with him. I feel like I owe it to him to try and help him through his issues. How do I determine if I should leave it or try to save it? I just don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 any trust left. I just feel like I gave him a second chance before 鈥?if I give him another chance this time, who鈥檚 to say he won鈥檛 do it again?Bare with me, I know this is long....my BF is shopping for engagement rings, but I'm stuck and NEED ADVICE!!?
You said it all when you said you have so much invested in this relationship that you don't feel it is easy to just leave. However,
the truth is, whether you are shopping for engagement rings or not, this man is not ready to commit his life to you. He secretly has other ideas, and my guess is that the two times you caught him searching for outside fantasies were not the only two times he did it.
You asked how you determine how you decide to stay or go. The first thing you do is you stop being sentimental about the things that are good, and then you take a real, hard look at the things that are warning signs or are bothersome. Were these behaviors to continue over and over again, could you live like that? For example, my husband, brace yourself, picks his toenails when he watches tv. Disgusting, gross, I've asked for 20 years that he not do that in front of me or he at least use a clipper to trim his toenails. NO luck. He still does it. I hate it. Is it worth leaving over? No. If he were trolling for outside sex over and over...well, that I could not live with.
Look at the relationship as a whole. Does he respect you in other ways, or do you feel second best? Does being with him make you the best person you can be? Are you free and unencumbered in this relationship, are you both better together than apart, or is this doubt about that?
Are there warning signs that he can not be trusted? Secret email accounts, protective of blackberry, time missing from his schedule?
Good luck.Bare with me, I know this is long....my BF is shopping for engagement rings, but I'm stuck and NEED ADVICE!!?
He's meeting them. What evidence do you need, to contract HIV? I think your boyfriend is a sex addict. Dr, Phil has info on his website...you might look at it.
If you feel like you have to check up on him constantly and you do not trust him, do not marry him.
This situation would really pizz me the hell off.......no good at all....
Leave do you really want to wait another few years till you catch him in the act or worse he gives you an STD
RUN
what is it like, to look in the mirror and see a person that's good enough to be someone's GF, but never good enough to be that same person's wife?
8 years?
who are we crappin'?
I am pissed, because I did read the whole thing when you could've just made it simple.
If he has met up from anyone off CL do you think you would know?
Do you think he would be honest enough with you?
Do you think if he like it in the rear, he'd tell you?
Come on, now, you are being naive.
For me, personally any ways... It would not matter if he/she did it or has followed through at this point. I'd kick them out of my life.
Because I don't deserve to have to think/ wonder or second guess myself about issues like this. THAT SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED ONCE.
And yours has happened twice.
The only real way you will ever know the truth is if you put one of those computer tracers in your computer that sends every email made on and out of the computer into a secret email account.
And putting one of those cameras at home, and a device into the home phone, as well in his cell phone
Also, if you have a private eye, that spends the next month following him around,
Only then will you have some of the truth.
But you will always have doubt. stress, and trust concerns.
Best of luck
he has a sexual addiction that will not change, he will eventually force you into accepting (manipulating) and continue this behavior, i'm not sure if professional help will help some people don't see it as a problem . Live with it or end the relationship there is no grey area.
Walk away. I know that it's easier said than done. Ask him to seek the help that he needs and when he has accomplished that allow him slowly back into your life if you have not moved on yourself. Good luck.
You don't need evidence to justify leaving. If you don't want to be in the relationship, that's all the justification that you need.
To me, it sounds like your boyfriend is either sexually curious- like that of an inexperienced person who's looking to see what's out there- or he's sexually confused. I'm not saying he's gay/bi or even curious about it, although he could be. But he certainly is thinking about sexual satisfaction that he may feel, others would find abnormal. Clearly, he thinks that you're one of those people who would find him abnormal and he values your opinion of him to the point of where he doesn't want to disappoint you.
I've seen some of the posts on CL and I know exactly which kinds you're talking about. Some of them would entice a person who's curious because of the anonymous posting factor associated with a site like CL. Coming from the wife of a man who is an absolute freak- in the sexual sense- I would suggest that you not give up on your relationship unless what your boyfriend is seeking out, offends you. With my husband, he knows there is nothing that would offend me or that I would look at him funny for. Therefore, he's not ashamed to suggest anything or talk about his feelings. It is possible that your boyfriend feels that you may judge him and therefore don't wanna share his feelings with you. Even if you say you won't, it's hard to reveal something to someone you love when you don't know how they'll react. Keep the lines of communication open and don't be afraid to ask direct questions. If you know that your boyfriend has been looking at some weird **** on CL, you go to that post to see what it's about, and directly ask him if he's interested- but only what you're willing to try. If you go to him with what you know and reassure him that you'll love him regardless, and you be the one to initiate conversation about it, he may feel comfortable enough to be forthright about it.
Let me get this straight, do you feel that because you've been with him for 8 years you HAVE to marry him? If you marry him he's got it made. Do what he wants and you won't go anywhere.
Seriously, get your big girl panties on and dump him. If you don't you will be sick the day you come home @ lunch and find him in bed with a man.
Why do you owe him a second chance? It's a second chance to screw you over. Man! I can't believe anyone would actually consider a third chance on this.
I think that you answered your own question. you owe it to yourself first. if you feel the need to check behind him and you don't trust him then how do you think this will be a healthy marriage. he is in search of something and unless he talks to you, there is nothing you can do. you need to decide if you want to live like this or move on. he might change, but not now. or it might get worst. think about your happiness first. if he wants help he will seek it, but you can't force him to do anything. reality is that he might have already meet up with some people from the web. protect yourself sexually.
That's a tough situation.
It sounds like he has some sexual issues that need to be worked through. I mean, 8 years and he's just now talking about masturbating? In my opinion, masturbating is very normal and everyone does it. Yet, he's treated it like it is some sort of deviant behavior...
Okay, this is what I would do: I would straight up tell him that I know what he's been doing. And that I am seriously thinking about leaving him, and if he wants to preserve the relationship, he needs to go see a therapist and maybe the two of you need to see a sex therapist.
Make it very clear that you won't tolerate any lies or trying to get out of it. And be prepared to follow through. If he says ';no way,'; you have to leave. If he sees a therapist twice and never again, you have to leave.
Good Luck!
Whatever his thing is, it's part of how he is made.
He may never share it with you because he can't.
But neither can he give it up.
You will have to either call it quits, or accept that he will always have a sexual side that he doesn't share...and that it may feature cheating.
Try to give him one more chance, But I have to say, I know a girl who post ad's on erotic services on craigslist. She has MANY MANY married men that come to her and pay her between $100-$200 each time just for sex or a simple ********, I think it's the craziest thing I'v ever heard of in my life!! It's a good thing you found out because many women are clueless about craigslist. Have you checked his cell phone call logs to see if he's actually talked to any of these women?
P.S. I wouldn't take it personal about the tranny thing? Because I look on there and laugh at those postings? So maybe that's what he's doing? I really don't know, Just an idea.
Leaving is not the easy answer, ITS THE ONLY ANSWER! How can you marry a man you CAN'T trust and who DOESN't trust YOU?!
You stayed with a guy who lied to you about trying to meet others for sex. He first lied and THEN admitted to it. He is also very secretive about EVERYTHING IN HIS LIFE. He gets mad at you, if you get your hands on his cell phone?! He won't talk to you about sex or fantasies?!
Everything you mentioned in your statement, ARE HUGE RED FLAGS. I'm not sure why you kept dating him. Your BF is up to something and not telling you the truth. All of what you just stated supports this.
I'll tell you how my relationship works: My BF and I have nothing to hide, so no cells, e-mail accounts, facebook or myspace pages are under lock and key, he knows how to steal all the money out of my bank account, if he really wanted. If a person calls late at night (my friends do that a lot) I make sure he knows who called and why.
But, my BF and I, TRUST each other. We talk about our days, nights, friends, sex, life, etc. together. He would NEVER keep his cell phone or bill from being seen by me.
It sounds like your BF has not been telling you the truth, FOR A WHILE! He is hiding things from you, because he feels what he is doing is wrong, and that only makes things worse.
NO TRUST = NO RELATIONSHIP!
MY ADVICE IS TO LEAVE HIM AND STOP LISTENNING TO HIS LIES, BECAUSE MARRIAGE ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE HIM, IT WILL ONLY MAKE YOUR LIFE WORSE. You don't want to be the woman who finds out, AFTER SHE GETS MARRIED, that her husband is gay or has been having an affair for years.
Sounds like it was 8 years you could have been with someone that wasnt always going to be sneaky and lie. Its good that you tried to work it out or understand that he has self esteem problems but knowing he is wanting to or trying to meet people for orgies and all is a red flag if it was carried out by him or not. Knowing all this and still staying is just an excuse to think one day he will change to what you think he will be and he is not going to.
Unless your ok with him looking up that stuff then why ask, you know it and are still with him.
It may seem weird but move on. You will then look back (when your with someone that will make you happy, etc) and think why did you waste your time.
A man will NOT change just because you are married. I know you've invested a lot of time into this relationship, but it won't be worth it in the long run when you catch him doing it again and again. End it now and save yourself the pain down the road.
hmmmmm
i say talk to him about everything let him know how much this is all bothering you and if he will ever be able to stop
he may feel sick for having certain fantasies and doesnt want to share them with you and thats fine as long as they stay fantasies
you dont owe him anything but 8 years is a long time
go buy the love dare book give it the 40 days and then see how things are there
You have tried for eight years, and he has broken a promise to respect the boundaries you have set out. Obviously, he needs some sort of therapy to deal with his issues of intimacy and feelings of lack of self-worth. Maybe you should separate for a time, and allow him to work on himself. Otherwise, this problem will get worse!
You probably can't prove that he met up with someone but you know for a fact that he tried to initiate some meetings. If you know this then there is nothing he can say to change that. If he lies about it then you know right then and there it is over. You need to confront him about this sooner rather than later before this goes any further.
You do not owe it to him to work through the problems, but if after 8 years he's doing the same things then this is who he is. Respect that or move on. If you want to work through with it, then do so for yourself but don't lie to yourself about it either: trying to convince yourself he's something he's not.
Engagement Pics being taken Saturday...I need some advice?
My fiance and I are having our photos retaken on Saturday.
I'm hoping the photographer will pose us...my fiance and I are a bigger couple and the last photographer didn't pose us...and we had some pretty bad pictures...we told her we didn't like them and she flipped out on us (we were NOT rude to her) she wouldn't retake them...she called me and my fiance fat and wrote a bunch of nasty things about us on her myspace blog (she was forced to take them down)...
We found a GREAT photographer she's done great work, but Jason and I are still a little nervous as we were burned pretty bad...so i mean, what are some good poses for some bigger people? He's also 6 foot and im 5'2''Engagement Pics being taken Saturday...I need some advice?
hi, sorry about your bad experience. A truly professional photographer would be more sensitive about these sort of things.
Anyway, don't reinvent the wheel. Do some research of how talented, better photographers have done things. Visit some photography sites and download or bookmark photos you like. It will take time, but if you're paying for a pro--then I think this is time well-spent.
Show these to your photographer to give her a better sense of your tastes. Be open with her about your concerns from the last time and in general about the portraits.
Wish you the best!Engagement Pics being taken Saturday...I need some advice?
https://www.searsphotos.com/view_shared_鈥?/a>
Here are my engagement pics. Some are better than others. We did ours in a sears studio.
Have a trusted friend who is good at this sort of thing go with you, someone who will run in and fix a stray strand of hair or adjust a shirt that is twisted or advise you to wipe the lipstick off your teeth. You can't expect a photographer to make you look like supermodels, but you should demand something that reflects how you look when at your best in real life. An excellent photographer will make you look BETTER than real life. Even Cindy Crawfort and Kate Moss have airbrushing and other touchups done to their final photo; I have invested in this been very pleased with the results. Usually darker, solid color, very plain clothes work best. Make sure the colors harmonize; for instance, you don't want to wear a blue mock turtle while your groom wears some clashing shade of green. Wear fabrics that are matte, not shiny and shimmery.
Because of the height difference, have him sit while you stand. And have the pictures taken at an angle to cut down on the ';wideness'; factor. Also, don't wear white.
http://360.yahoo.com/profile-51_fIoElcqH鈥?/a>
Lean in to eachother at an angle...check out this pic from a friends wedding I was in...I don't think we look that big...it all has to do w/ a flattering angle. lol
That was a pre-req. for my Wedding Photographer...my 1st question...can you find angles to not make me look HUGE! lol!
When I took my engagement pictures the photographer posed us and was very helpfull she even told us ifwe didnt like any she would take new one. One pose I did like was when I was sitting on a stool but its one of those stools that u can higher or lower. Well since I'm 5'7 and my future husband is 5'9 there wasn't much difference in height so she lowered it so I would look shorter then him and it cam out perfect . Here is my website link so you can get a better picture on thingsremind you he was standing and I was sitting.
http://www.myspace.com/itgl7
Bride to Be 9/6/08
just be honest with her tell her what happened with the last photographer and see if she can let you see the pics before you buy or put money down also try standing ina mirror and posing yourselves that should make it a lil easier to see what looks good for yall and give you some ideas to tell the photographer
I would try to not have it too posed. That's usually when the pictures turn out in a way you don't like them. I would try to have it as natural as possible. Maybe holding hands looking into each others eyes. Or facing each other with your arms around one another...
I hate taking pictures that are professionally done, because I always look like some sorta freak!
Good luck, I hope they turn out the way you want them.
Have a test run a friday
Most important, tell the photographer about your bad experience and your concern.
The photographer can't change reality, but they can make sure your photos flatter the both of you.
My sister %26amp; I did pics for our Mom for her 60th bday. Neither of us are small and there's a major height difference - I'm 5'3'; and she is 5'11';. We actually went to ';the picture people'; in a local mall and I was very pleased with the outcome. The poses they had us in were great.
it has nothing to do with your size, but the quality of your photographer
My husband is smaller than me so the best pics we took were when he was sitting and I was behind him (I have a huge chest so the covering was nice) with my arms around him (showing off the engagement ring of course). Like the previous answer, don't wear white. Don't wear black either, a darker color but you don't want to look morbid. I wore purple. If you are afraid the pics might not come out good because of the poses, go online and find poses that you like or ones where you think will be flattering to you both. Bring them with you and tell her, ';These are some poses I was thinking about.'; Good Luck, I hope these come out better for you.
mAybe the photographer can do some of you guys sitting, or our photographer did one where I was sitting and my financee was kneeling down behind me holding me hand. I kind of wish we kept that pose so I could show you.
Not sure if you saw my wedding page but we had two different stools we sat on. My stool was a little bit more higher and my fiancee's was a little lower so it looked like we were at the same level. We also did a few with one standing behind the other and the other was sitting. So try the stools that go up and down. Hope this helps.
just be happy hugging and kissing one another....i know a 'big' couple who got married and their pics came out beautiful cuz they werent worring about the pics, they we're just so in love and thats what made them so beautiful in the pics....by the way mazal tov, congrats
I'm hoping the photographer will pose us...my fiance and I are a bigger couple and the last photographer didn't pose us...and we had some pretty bad pictures...we told her we didn't like them and she flipped out on us (we were NOT rude to her) she wouldn't retake them...she called me and my fiance fat and wrote a bunch of nasty things about us on her myspace blog (she was forced to take them down)...
We found a GREAT photographer she's done great work, but Jason and I are still a little nervous as we were burned pretty bad...so i mean, what are some good poses for some bigger people? He's also 6 foot and im 5'2''Engagement Pics being taken Saturday...I need some advice?
hi, sorry about your bad experience. A truly professional photographer would be more sensitive about these sort of things.
Anyway, don't reinvent the wheel. Do some research of how talented, better photographers have done things. Visit some photography sites and download or bookmark photos you like. It will take time, but if you're paying for a pro--then I think this is time well-spent.
Show these to your photographer to give her a better sense of your tastes. Be open with her about your concerns from the last time and in general about the portraits.
Wish you the best!Engagement Pics being taken Saturday...I need some advice?
https://www.searsphotos.com/view_shared_鈥?/a>
Here are my engagement pics. Some are better than others. We did ours in a sears studio.
Have a trusted friend who is good at this sort of thing go with you, someone who will run in and fix a stray strand of hair or adjust a shirt that is twisted or advise you to wipe the lipstick off your teeth. You can't expect a photographer to make you look like supermodels, but you should demand something that reflects how you look when at your best in real life. An excellent photographer will make you look BETTER than real life. Even Cindy Crawfort and Kate Moss have airbrushing and other touchups done to their final photo; I have invested in this been very pleased with the results. Usually darker, solid color, very plain clothes work best. Make sure the colors harmonize; for instance, you don't want to wear a blue mock turtle while your groom wears some clashing shade of green. Wear fabrics that are matte, not shiny and shimmery.
Because of the height difference, have him sit while you stand. And have the pictures taken at an angle to cut down on the ';wideness'; factor. Also, don't wear white.
http://360.yahoo.com/profile-51_fIoElcqH鈥?/a>
Lean in to eachother at an angle...check out this pic from a friends wedding I was in...I don't think we look that big...it all has to do w/ a flattering angle. lol
That was a pre-req. for my Wedding Photographer...my 1st question...can you find angles to not make me look HUGE! lol!
When I took my engagement pictures the photographer posed us and was very helpfull she even told us ifwe didnt like any she would take new one. One pose I did like was when I was sitting on a stool but its one of those stools that u can higher or lower. Well since I'm 5'7 and my future husband is 5'9 there wasn't much difference in height so she lowered it so I would look shorter then him and it cam out perfect . Here is my website link so you can get a better picture on thingsremind you he was standing and I was sitting.
http://www.myspace.com/itgl7
Bride to Be 9/6/08
just be honest with her tell her what happened with the last photographer and see if she can let you see the pics before you buy or put money down also try standing ina mirror and posing yourselves that should make it a lil easier to see what looks good for yall and give you some ideas to tell the photographer
I would try to not have it too posed. That's usually when the pictures turn out in a way you don't like them. I would try to have it as natural as possible. Maybe holding hands looking into each others eyes. Or facing each other with your arms around one another...
I hate taking pictures that are professionally done, because I always look like some sorta freak!
Good luck, I hope they turn out the way you want them.
Have a test run a friday
Most important, tell the photographer about your bad experience and your concern.
The photographer can't change reality, but they can make sure your photos flatter the both of you.
My sister %26amp; I did pics for our Mom for her 60th bday. Neither of us are small and there's a major height difference - I'm 5'3'; and she is 5'11';. We actually went to ';the picture people'; in a local mall and I was very pleased with the outcome. The poses they had us in were great.
it has nothing to do with your size, but the quality of your photographer
My husband is smaller than me so the best pics we took were when he was sitting and I was behind him (I have a huge chest so the covering was nice) with my arms around him (showing off the engagement ring of course). Like the previous answer, don't wear white. Don't wear black either, a darker color but you don't want to look morbid. I wore purple. If you are afraid the pics might not come out good because of the poses, go online and find poses that you like or ones where you think will be flattering to you both. Bring them with you and tell her, ';These are some poses I was thinking about.'; Good Luck, I hope these come out better for you.
mAybe the photographer can do some of you guys sitting, or our photographer did one where I was sitting and my financee was kneeling down behind me holding me hand. I kind of wish we kept that pose so I could show you.
Not sure if you saw my wedding page but we had two different stools we sat on. My stool was a little bit more higher and my fiancee's was a little lower so it looked like we were at the same level. We also did a few with one standing behind the other and the other was sitting. So try the stools that go up and down. Hope this helps.
just be happy hugging and kissing one another....i know a 'big' couple who got married and their pics came out beautiful cuz they werent worring about the pics, they we're just so in love and thats what made them so beautiful in the pics....by the way mazal tov, congrats
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